Christmas Break

It wasn't intentional, but it seems I needed a little rest from making posts.

Having a Christmas break was great!

I'm looking forward to a new year of strategic fathering...

Leader Of The Band

I'm not a huge Dan Fogelberg fan, but I was saddened to hear that he died after battling cancer.

One song of his that touched me was Leader of the Band. Right up there at the top on any "best of father/son music" list along with Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle, this is one of those songs that can give you a lump in the throat the first time you hear it, and can make you stop and think almost every time you hear it.

Here's the lyrics with my emphasis added. See the link at the bottom for more on this singer/songwriter.

Leader Of The Band

An only child alone and wild, a cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none
He left his home and went his lone and solitary way
And he gave to me a gift I know I never can repay
A quiet man of music denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once, but his music wouldn't wait
He earned his love through discipline-- a thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls took me years to understand
(Chorus)
The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band

My brothers' lives were different for they heard another call
One went to Chicago and the other to St Paul
And I'm in Colorado when I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose and have come to know so well

I thank you for the music and your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go
I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough
And, papa, I don't think I said 'I love you' near enough
(Chorus)
I am a living legacy to the leader of the band

Dan Fogelberg

Christmas Meditation

The really staggering Christian claim is that Jesus of Nazareth was God made man -- that the second person of the Godhead became the 'second man' (I Cor. 15:47), determining human destiny, the second representative head of the race, and that He took humanity without loss of deity, so that Jesus of Nazareth was as truly and fully divine as He was human.

Here are two mysteries for the price of one -- the plurality of persons within the unity of God, and the union of Godhead and manhood in the person of Jesus. It is here, in the thing that happened at the first Christmas, that the profoundest and most unfathomable depths of the Christian revelation lie. 'The Word was made flesh' (John 1:14); God became man; the divine Son became a Jew; the Almighty appeared on earth as a helpless human baby, unable to do more than lie and stare and wriggle and make noises, needing to be fed and changed and taught to talk like any other child.

And there was no illusion or deception in this: the babyhood of the Son of God was a reality. The more you think about it, the more staggering it gets. Nothing in fiction is so fantastic as is this truth of the incarnation.

-- J.I. Packer, "Knowing God"

Christian Storytelling

Telling your kids stories is a great way to impart lessons to them. Storytelling as a narrative technique is a powerful way to communicate the truth of God's word. While most anyone can tell a story, there is a real art and technique to storytelling.

Check out this website for some resources for developing storytelling skills, a growing list of Christian Storytellers across the nation, and a monthly free story:

Christian Storytelling.com

The Advent Event

It is that time of year where amid all the hustle and bustle of the season, we have to intentionally make time to sit down as a family and talk about the real purpose and meaning of Christmas.

One of our newer traditions is to go through The Advent Event, "an easy, fun and enriching family project to help focus attention on the event of the birth of Jesus while discovering the big picture of God's plan throughout the entire Bible."

It is put together by Scott Wiley, our Pastor of Children's Ministries, and his siblings but even if I didn't know the authors, I'd say it is an excellent resource that everyone in our family loves.

The Advent Event

Spotlight: Tim Tebow

This is rather indulgent of me, but as a University of Florida grad, I can't pass up the chance to give a nod to the winner of college football's most coveted award.

More important than his football prowess though is his potential to be a role model to young boys. In a day where most college players are sporting tattoos and mohawks to go with their prideful attitudes, it's good to see one that still says "yes mam" & "yes sir".

Tebow is the fifth and youngest child of parents Bob and Pam Tebow, both University of Florida alumni. Home-schooled, he was born in the Philippines, where his parents were missionaries, and grew up in Jacksonville. He spent three summers doing missionary work himself before attending Florida.

He says his list of priorities, in descending order of importance, is faith, family, academics and football.

Congrats, Tim!

University of Florida Spotlight: Tim Tebow

Strategic Fathering

If you had to boil down the essence of what I as a father am trying to do with my kids, and what I hope to encourage through this ministry in providing resources for other men, the two word phrase I would use is "Strategic Fathering".

Sure, we are providing good things for our kids...reacting to issues as they arrive, showing up for sports events and recitals because they're on the calendar, answering questions about life and spiritual matters as they come up, etc. But I'm talking about giving them the best things...intentionally following a plan of action, working with them to find their strengths, taking up the mantle of spiritual leader of the household, etc.

In the process of strategically fathering our children, something else happens as well. Our Heavenly Father strategically fathers us!

I believe it begins with us allowing the Father to love us as sons, getting to that place where we hear Him call our name, knowing the pleasure He takes in us.

Check out this website which seems to capture and expound on the fact that this journey is as much about growing us up as it is about growing our kids up.

Strategic Fathering

Confessions and Compasses

Confession time...my family and I (not the youngest) have watched the Lord of the Rings movies, Narnia, and *gasp* Harry Potter. A couple of them have even read some of the Harry Potter books. I just don't get why certain fantasy movies are accepted in Christian circles and some are considered anathema. Yes, I've read the Christian books explaining why one is acceptable and the other not, but I just don't totally buy it.

The latest movie starting to generate some Christian anti-buzz is The Golden Compass, and although I haven't really researched it yet, I stumbled on this blog post from the "Confessions of a Bad Christian" blog that captures my feelings on the subject pretty well:

Paul was aware of the opposition to his faith and to the God he believed in. He was informed about the philosophies of those who opposed his faith. He engaged them in intelligent and probably spirited debate. The book of Acts honestly records the results.
...

Maybe that is why we are often more comfortable decrying the culture instead of engaging it. Most of us don’t like being labeled as airheads (The Message) or as a babbler (NIV).

Give this post a read and see if you agree that God can use even this movie for His purpose if we will just let Him. If you think I'm totally off base here, let me know...

Christians Shouldn't Lose Their Bearings Over a Golden Compass

e-Sword

I'm sword shopping! Strange as it sounds, I am researching for the purchase of a sword for my oldest son's 16th birthday. He received a shield at 13 and now it's time to take it up a notch...leading to his pronouncement as a "knight" when he turns 19.

I'm sure I'll have many posts in the weeks ahead as I dive into the complex world of sword buying.(ever notice how whatever field of interest you get into, there's always a lot more there than you bargain on?)

In the meantime, here's a segue to a tool that no man should be without: e-Sword. From the author:

e-Sword is a fast and effective way to study the Bible. e-Sword is feature rich and user friendly with more capabilities than you would expect in a free software package. The fact that e-Sword is free is just one of the blessings and does not speak of the quality of the software. I make my living writing software and I believe I have put forth my best effort in this endeavor.

e-Sword

All Pro Dad Experience

Two of my boys and I attended an All Pro Dad sponsored "Carolina Panthers Father & Kids Experience" and had a great time. Mike Minter came out and briefly spoke, and then the dads & kids moved from station to station having fun by mixing football and fatherhood. I have to admit that by the end, my kids calling me an "All Pro Dad" and really meaning it felt good.

I really like the way this organization doesn't beat dads over the head with their message, but instead gets it across in a way that piques your interest. I am seriously considering becoming a "team captain" for the All Pro Dad's Day Monthly Breakfast.

Take a look at other upcoming father & kid events: NFL Events.

Rascal

About as Disney as you can get, "Rascal" is the story about a boy and his raccoon. We've seen it before: a boy takes in a wild animal, animal causes mischief, neighbors blame animal and get mad at kid, and by the end of the film the boy must release the animal back into the wild.

But in today's deluge of computer generated craziness, this quiet little bit of Americana stands out as authentic and full of heart. I was actually worried that the pace was too slow for my kids as the movie started, but was pleasantly surprised to see them all enthralled by 5 minutes in.

While the main plot of Rascal is entertaining enough, there is also a subplot about a free-spirited dad realizing his growing boy's need for his involvement. Dads sensitive to the topics discussed on this blog will appreciate the realization the father makes.

Overall, a great family movie to watch and enjoy. I rented it through NetFlix, but it seems to be available for purchase as well.

Rascal

Modesty

My wife and I were rolling our eyes this morning that the latest American Girl Magazine You Pick It topic (where girls get to send in their stories/poems/etc) was "Fashion Frenzy". Our daughter was so excited to find out the topic, but kind of looked bewildered when she saw what it was.

The fact is, fashion has become an increasingly important topic to her peers, and even though she is a little behind the curve (thankfully), it is starting to become important to her as well. As this change takes place we are working hard to keep the concept of modesty in the forefront of our conversations.

Here are a couple of websites that are among the very few voices talking about modesty in fashion for girls without becoming over-zealous and weird about it:

Girl Talk Blog

Modestly Yours Blog

Modesty Survey

Mountains to Climb

Afraid to take a risk with your son? Concerned you may be overprotective and not letting your son experience the fullness of what it means to be a man-in-training?

This short little article about a blind boy, his desire to climb a mountain, and his father's reactions inspired me to examine some of my thoughts on this topic. I like this quote from the article:

I know what it takes to prepare and I am aware of the risks and hazards involved, some of which can be very serious, Marty said. “As I considered taking Cody up a mountain, worrisome thoughts pounded my mind. What if something happened? What would his grandparents think, or his mother? What would the neighbors say? I had visions of it.

“That careless, reckless father, what was he thinking? Doesn’t he know better than to take a blind kid mountain climbing? That’s just asking for trouble.”

I wonder how often we fall into this same mindset in other aspects of raising our boys? Do we "play it safe" to avoid failure or embarrassment?

May we have the courage to follow God's Spirit in our efforts to train up our sons, and as the closing of the article encourages, may we have an attitude that says:

If we hadn’t made it, we’d just have tried again, until we did

Mountains to Climb

Christian Manhood

Some commentary on Philippians 2:19-30 by Ray C. Stedman that reminds us that our identities are not lost in Christ, but truly realized:

Did you notice something about these two men, Timothy and Epaphroditus--two quite different personalities, weren't they? But the same essential character in each, for the secret of these two men is not that they struggled and tried to live heroic lives with a devil-may-care attitude. But shining through each man's life is the splendor of Jesus Christ. Their personalities, you see, were not destroyed. They were enhanced by the presence of Christ. ...

He does not destroy the essential man; he indwells it, he enhances it, he glorifies it. The result is true manhood, true womanhood, attractive and beautiful and easy to live with. Man as God intended man to be becomes manifest in the world.

Christian Manhood

Stanley London Manhood Gifts

So you've made the decision to create a cermony for your son to celebrate his passage toward manhood, but you have no idea what kind of gift to get him?

I've shared in the past a great place to get engraved stones/rocks, but here is another website with a large selection of brass instruments like compasses, sextants, telescopes, other nautical instruments, and even swords. They'll do custom engraving on most of their items.

I purchased a compass from them and had it engraved with some principles around "Choosing a Direction" and the verses Proverbs 3:5-6 for my son on his 10th birthday. It turned out great!

Stanley London

King Me

In his no-nonsense style, Steve Farrar delivers a great book that fits in nicely with the genre of "raising sons to be Godly men" books. Whereas others focus primarily on the vision of Biblical manhood (like RaMDK), Steve focuses this book on the nuts and bolts of the process.

While he does not provide a step-by-step "do this at this age" game plan, he does deal head on with many of the issues you will face over and over again as you work to raise your son. Using kings of the Old Testament as a backdrop, he examines the critical role a father plays in preparing his son to become a godly man.

Especially needful for us post-modern dads is his treatment (2 chapters worth) of the whys and hows of discipline. If you ever worry that you are bruising your son's self esteem or "scarring him for life" when you enforce boundaries, read Steve's thoughts for a swift boot in the rear.

Overall a great book with sage advice that will help you to build your son into the man God wants him to be.

King Me
Author:	Steve Farrar
ISBN:	0802433197
Genre:	Religion & Spirituality/Christianity
Recommended:	Yes
Score:	9 out of 10
Summary:	What Every Son Wants and Needs from His Father

Organic Faith - Rites of Passage Celebrations

From the Organic Faith website under the Featured Resource header comes a great little pdf article on Rites of Passage Celebrations:

Tips and ideas for developing meaningful experiences that help mark the transition from childhood to manhood. These ideas will help youth leaders and parents develop Biblically-based rite of passage events for teenage young men.

Organic Faith - Rites of Passage Celebrations

All Pro Dad

This NFL sponsored program was launched 10 years ago with the help of NFL coach Tony Dungy, because of his admiration and love for his father, Wilbur. Looks like it has continued to grow and expand its offerings.

All Pro Dad is Family First's innovative program helping men to be better fathers. All Pro Dad's 43 NFL spokesmen, multiple NFL seminars, 550 All Pro Dad's Days, and Play of the Day daily emails that reach almost 31,000 fathers each day, all inspire and equip fathers to be actively involved in their children's lives. And every month, over 90,000 fathers log onto AllProDad.com to benefit from insightful fatherhood resources.

I took a look at the articles section and was very impressed with the tone...while not overtly Christian, it is obvious there is a strong Christian influence. There are many mentions of the importance of faith, servant-leadership, and strong family bonds. Looks like registration is open for a local "Carolina Panthers father & Kids Experience."

Check it out:

All Pro Dad

Stereotypes of Men in Media

Here's a quick article from the Media Awareness Network that summarizes a recent report identifying the most common male stereotypes portrayed in the media.

When I read it I immediately felt outraged and bemoaned the "evil Hollywood machine"...but as I thought about it more, I had to admit that in the past I have portrayed and accepted these stereotypes in my own life.

Hopefully seeing these for what they are will help us avoid falling into them. Especially hard to stomach is this one:

The Buffoon commonly appears as a bungling father figure in TV ads and sitcoms. Usually well-intentioned and light-hearted, these characters range from slightly inept to completely hopeless when it comes to parenting their children or dealing with domestic (or workplace) issues.

I hope to never portray that stereotype again!

Common Stereotypes of Men in Media

Coat of Arms Design

At some point in my studies of knighthood and creating a manhood plan for my boys, I realized that I would want to display a family coat of arms. A little research turned up that the commonly held acceptance of a "surname coat of arms" is really a misconception. In fact it was quite freeing to find out:

The bearing of coats of arms is not regulated in most countries, including the United States, thus there has been a proliferation of "family name" companies offering histories and coats of arms for a given surname. While there is no reason we cannot enjoy the decoration of a coat of arms associated with someone centuries ago who shared our surname, we should be aware that this is all that it is -- a decoration.

There is also no reason we cannot create a coat of arms and crest for ourselves, whether based on the coat of arms of an ancestor who shared our name (and may or may not be related to us), or designed from scratch to mean something special to our own lives and family.

A site that has been a great resource for historical info, an introduction to heraldic conventions, and a collection of symbolic meanings as well as offering products around the production of custom coat of arms is:

Fleur-de-lis Designs

Developing a Family Mission Statement

I posted once in the past on the benefits of having a family mission statement and provided a link to a quick start builder provided by Franklin Covey.

Here's a static document that lists needs, benefits, problems, and guidelines as well as some great Biblical examples of mission statements.

This would be a great place to start for family mottoes and crests as well.

Developing a Family Mission Statement

The Blessing

John Trent and Gary Smalley have taught and written about The Blessing for almost thirty years. On their website you’ll find tools and encouragement to help you understanding this powerful biblical concept, as well as pass the Blessing down to your loved ones.

[this] best-selling book offers a fresh, updated look at the life-changing gift the Bible calls “the blessing.” Many of us—perhaps unknowingly—spend a lifetime striving for this acceptance. The unconditional love and approval that comes with the blessing is an important element of our self-esteem and emotional well-being.

In The Blessing, Dr. John Trent tells of his search to receive the blessing from his father and the new insight—and deeper blessing—he received from God as he sought to pick up the pieces of his shattered dream. And Gary Smalley expands the concept of the blessing to include eight ways to bless adult children. “I never realized how powerful—and how necessary—the blessing has become to my older children until now. So if you have older children who have moved away from home, they’re never out-of-reach of the blessing.”

The Blessing is a powerful book no family should be without. Within its pages, readers will find solid, practical advice on how to be a blessing as well as how to insure that your parents, spouse, and children all feel the security of family approval.

The Blessing

Generations of Virtue

With a teenager son and a "tweenager" daughter, I am always looking for resources that deal with combating the cultural pressures around them. The constant flow of information through movies, music, tv, and peers gives a pervading message of relativistic values to our kids as the world tries to squeeze them into the mold.

As fathers, it is our job to protect them and anchor them to the Truth. But how do we do this without becoming isolationists, protecting them to the point that they are unable to cope when they leave the home and are on their own? Only by equipping and preparing them now to understand the difference will they be able to survive and even perhaps lead their peers to a higher moral standard.

Generations of Virtue is a non-profit, volunteer-driven ministry that equips parents to empower their kids for purity in our world today. We work closely with parents and teens as we provide them with classic and cutting-edge resources to fight the battle for purity.

It looks like they break down their book resources by gender and age to make it easier to find appropriate material. Also, they provide dvds, audio books, and purity jewelry. Check it out at:

Generations of Virtue

The Greatest Knight That Ever Lived

Because I use the metaphor of knighthood and chivalry with my boys as I teach them about biblical manhood, I have taken the time to do some research on medieval knighthood. You don't have to dig very deep before you come across a singular individual who influences our understanding of that era more than any other: William Marshal.

Proclaimed by both friend and foe as the "greatest knight who ever lived", William Marshal had an undeniable impact on the history and politics of England, but more importantly for our purposes he left a legacy of attitudes and actions that in many ways defines knighthood.

When he died, a kingdom mourned him, an enemy king wept for him but then, eventually, a world slowly forgot the man called "the flower of chivalry".

Here's a great site to learn more about this amazing man:

William Marshal, Earl of Pembroke
The Greatest Knight That Ever Lived

Rephrase the Praise

I'm going through the RMDK video training series right now at my church and loving it. This week's assignment was to tell my sons I am proud of them for specific traits. While this may seem easy at face value, even the way you give encouragement has a profound affect on your kids.

Here's a little article from FamilyEducation.com with some thoughts on how you can phrase your encouragement for maximum benefit:

Rephrase the Praise

So why are these so-called experts lining up (once again) to rain on your parenting parade?

For starters, because -- despite your best intentions -- you're telling your children that they are great because of what they do, not because of who they are.

And, because they are human beings, not human doings, our praise needs to reflect that.

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

Having three boys I spend a lot of time focusing on father/son issues...but I also have a daughter that God has blessed me with. Finding resources for father/daughter issues is a little bit harder, that's why I am so excited about a book I just came across called Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Dr. Meg Meeker.

I am ordering the book and will post a review as soon as I am done, but in the meantime here are some videos of an interview with her (Below is part 1. There are 6 parts in total). Great stuff!

The Christian Samurai

Stumbled upon this book...looks very intriguing. In working on the manhood metaphor of knighthood for my sons, I have most often focused on the western medieval tradition. I have always had an interest in the samurai and the code of Bushido, however, I have shied away from it mostly because of the Zen overtones.

This book looks like it tries to reconcile, or at least circumvent the contradictions:

The samurai, whose very title means “one who serves,” were skillful warriors of feudal Japan who devoted themselves fully to the service of their masters, willing even to sacrifice their lives in service to their lord. Christians are also called by their Lord, Jesus, to take up their cross and follow Him, and to seek to lose their life for His sake (Matthew 16:24-25).

Author Paul Nowak ties the advice of these servant-warriors of old, pointing out how the selections from samurai texts relate to Christian teachings found in the Scriptures.

The book is a matchless resource for Christians intrigued by the mythos of the samurai or Japanese culture, or for pastors and other spiritual leaders who are looking for anecdotes that illustrate Biblical ideals

The Christian Samurai

G.I. "No" Joe

I have to admit that I never was a big G.I. Joe fan when I was a kid...I kind of missed out on that whole thing. Likewise, my boys are into Star Wars, Legos, and Heroscape...so there is no Joe in our house. However, even I can tell that the politically correct have gone too far on this one!

No longer will G.I. Joe be a U.S. Special Forces soldier, the "Real American Hero" who, in his glory days, single-handedly won World War II. In the politically correct new millennium, G.I. Joe bears no resemblance to the original.

Paramount has confirmed that in the movie, the name G.I. Joe will become an acronym for "Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity" — an international, coed task force charged with defeating bad guys. It will no longer stand for government issued, as in issued by the American government.

G.I. Joe to Become Global Task Force in Movie

Forging Ahead: Apprenticeship

Here is a good article from the Home School Court Report on the HSLDA website. It touches on an issue I have been thinking about a lot with my oldest son being a high school sophomore: apprenticeship. Even though I have a "high tech" job and hope that they will attend college, I think it would be beneficial for my boys to be exposed to labor trades and gain some practical vocational experience as well.

This article gives some history about apprenticeships in our country, explains what a modern apprenticeship looks like, and gives some practical tips on how to assess if it is the right thing for your child and how to find one if so. It has a homeschool slant, but really could apply to any high schooler.

Forging Ahead: Apprenticeship

Source of Sufficiency

Sometimes this fathering gig can get a little overwhelming. A lot of the time I have this creeping feeling of inadequacy for the job. Sure I can take care of the physical needs easily enough...food on the table *check*...roof over the head *check*...

But emotional and spiritual needs are a little harder. Meeting each of my four kids "where they are", understanding their hearts, and providing the guidance they need seems like a daunting task most days. Of course, in and of myself I am insufficient. That's why this verse from 2 Corinthians 3:5 is such an important verse for a modern-day dad to grasp:

Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God

2 Corinthians 3:5

As dads we must remember that God is the source of sufficiency to meet the needs of our children.

HeroDads

Here's a cool website with lots of products to jump start your "daddy time" with the kids. The pressure of our jobs and life in general can sometimes rob us of the wonder of true quality time with the kids....this website aims to provide tools to make it easier to capture those moments:

HeroDads came into existence for one purpose: to help dads become more heroic in their families’ eyes. By heroic we do not mean the empty, unattainable sense of a “Superhero” or a Hollywood action star. We mean it in the noble, achievable sense of a genuine commitment of a father to lead boldly and connect relationally with his wife, sons and daughters, by the help of God.

HeroDads - Tools and Strategies to Help Dads Become Heroes!

Good Deeds

Here's something I wrote up (borrowed heavily from the Scouts) for a class I was teaching of 12-14 year old boys about performing "good deeds". Really, you could introduce the concept to boys as young as 6 or 7.

Sometimes in the past I haven't emphasized this enough for fear of getting into a theological "faith vs. works" conundrum or falling in with the "random acts of kindness" crowd, but in practice I have seen that giving boys encouragement to perform good deeds only serves to help them form the heart attitudes that ultimately produce more good deeds.

Good Deeds

original inspiration here:http://www.inquiry.net/ideals/deeds/

The New Chivalry

TrueU.org is a community for college students who want to know and confidently discuss the Christian worldview. I found a good article there about "modern day Chivalry" which includes a list of common courtesies you can begin to put into practice at all times, toward all people. Our sons need to know these things!

To be a gentleman these days doesn't necessarily mean ruining your coat so your date doesn't have to walk across a puddle. It doesn't mean knowing which fork is the dessert fork, or whether or not you should put your elbows on the table. What it means is viewing people — all people — as the valuable human beings they are. It means treating people with respect out of reverence for Christ. In any situation, ask yourself: How would I want my grandfather to be treated? How would I want my future daughter to be treated? Then live out your answer.

The New Chivalry: How to Treat Women ... and Everyone Else

Gut-level Honesty

I just enjoyed a two-day mini men's retreat with guest speaker Steve Farrar. I've seen him speak before and really enjoyed it. This time he challenged us men in several areas with his straight-shootin' insight.

Of particular challenge to me was the question of "personal integrity". Do I live the same when I'm alone and no one is watching as I do when I'm in public? Are all my financial dealings "above board"? Do I lie (even ever so slightly) to make things more convenient for myself? I pray God will help me in this area.

Here's a quote from Steve's website:

There’s one non-negotiable trait that you must embrace in your life and that trait is gut-level honesty. You must stay alert to the schemes of the enemy. We’re at war, and our foe is smarter and greater and wiser than we are. But Jesus is greater than he is. So let’s keep our eyes fixed upon Jesus.

10 Needs of a 14 year old boy

Found this awhile back, not sure where. Thought provoking:

10 Needs of a 14 year old boy

1. To climb a mountain and look down from the peak.
2. To sit around a campfire with team mates and good friends.
3. To test his strength and his skills on his very own.
4. To be alone with his own thoughts and with his God.
5. To reach out and find the hand of an adult willing to help.
6. To have a code to live by...easily understood and fair.
7. Play hard for the fun of it...and work hard for the thrill of it.
8. To have a chance to fail...and know why.
9. To have good friends and to be a good friend.
10. To have a hero...and a vision to measure him by.

Raising a Modern Day Knight - Insights

Here is a very short 4 entry blog (quick easy read) from a guy that implemented the RaMDK techniques with his son. This is a great real world example of how to get it set up, what to expect, and some really concise insights on how it went.

Of particular interest to me was this insight:

Some guys see this whole thing as "overblown".
Guys that grew up in stable, loving homes may see this whole thing as a little over the top. These guys likely received their father's blessing, leadership, and counsel throughout their lives. All of this became a part of their lives in such a natural way that it's hard for them to recognize the importance. Frankly, these guys are at greatest risk for dropping the ball with their own sons. Their response is often: "what's the big deal?"

Check it out:

Raising a Modern Day Knight Insights

The Importance of Family Dinners

Here is an interesting study from The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University. Some very interesting statistics to mull over, but the thing that stood out the most to me was this observation:

What They Want at the Table is You
This year’s report finds that 84 percent of teens prefer to have dinner with their families rather than eat alone. Eighty-one percent of 16- and 17-year olds also prefer to dine with their families. Of those teens who have less than three family dinners per week, 62 percent say they would prefer to eat with their families compared to 92 percent of teens who have at least five family dinners per week.

The Importance of Family Dinners IV

The Media Rules

Ok, that title is a play on words...but now that we are halfway through the month of September under our "media blackout" (see this post) I have realized how in many ways media has ruled our home.

There really aren't that many TV shows that we watched, but when you add in movies, electronic gadgets, and computer use...the total time spent in media entertainment has been arguably much higher than it should be.

After we get through September and the "no media" restrictions are lifted, we are going to put some stronger guidelines in place than we have in the past. Here is a good set of rules that I plan to use as a starting point, with the underlying mandate being:

We use electronic media and games only to promote family welfare, never to work against it.

Media Rules

Preparing Sons

I found out about this website at a homeschool conference a few years ago, but had forgotten all about it. Going through some notes the other night I stumbled across it again.

The centerpiece of the website is the book "Preparing Sons" by Steven Maxwell. Its compelling message is that it is a dad's responsibility to raise his son in such a way that he is able to provide for his own family when he becomes an adult:

Learn these principles from a dad whose 24-year-old homeschooled son has purchased a home debt free and whose second son is financially able to do the same. Steve explains how it is possible for parents, with a willing commitment, to properly prepare their sons to provide for a single-income family.

Also on the site are "work project ideas"...real life examples to help you prepare your sons in needed skills for life. Definitely a site to check out.

PreparingSons.com

Punt, Pass, & Kick

Finally, one of my boys is showing interest in playing football! He's got a ways to go yet (just starting 6-7 yr old flag football) but like any red-blooded American dad, I'm already scouting out opportunities:

The NFL Pepsi PUNT, PASS & KICK program is a national skills competition for boys and girls between the ages of 8 -15 to compete separately against their peers. Established in 1961, the PP&K program is the oldest NFL Youth Football program.

NFLYP-PPK

President's Volunteer Service Award

While I am somewhat philosophically against receiving rewards for volunteer service, if you are looking for a way to encourage your kids to participate in outreach ministries or volunteer opportunities, a good way to do so is with the President's Volunteer Service Award.

"Recognizing and honoring volunteers sets a standard for service to others. It encourages a sustained commitment to civic participation and inspires others to make volunteering a central part of their lives. The President's Volunteer Service Award recognizes individuals, families, and groups that have achieved a certain standard – measured by the number of hours served over a 12-month period or cumulative hours earned over the course of a lifetime."

Letters from Dad

The Letters from Dad curriculum and product line is based on the profound question:

If God were to take you home today... what would your wife and children hold in their hands tomorrow that would let them know that they were the treasures of your life?

Founder and President Greg Vaughn took the sadness he felt after his dad passed away and he realized "I did not possess even a signature of my father" and turned it into a ministry to help dads.

You are invited on a journey... a journey to leave a legacy of Faith, Hope and Love through the lost art of letter writing.

Earned. Never Given?

Driving into work yesterday I saw a truck with the Marine saber ad on its side with the emblazoned "Earned. Never Given" quote. It started me thinking about that in terms of Christian Manhood. Is it truly the case that our sons have to earn their manhood by demonstrating to us their abilities/willingness/readiness or is it the case that by us giving them the moniker of "man" that they strive to live up to it?

I am torn on this issue, especially in the light of the grace that God has so freely given us. The basic Christian doctrine is that we are unable to earn our righteousness, but that it is freely given. Shouldn't the same transaction take place between a father and his son?

This is especially apropos for me right now as my oldest son's 16th birthday is approaching and I am planning to give him a sword to symbolize his next step toward manhood. I will have to think on this some more...

"Vertical 07" Father/Son Retreat

Colonial Baptist in Cary, NC is offering a father-son retreat on September 14-16, 2007 at Camp Willow Run in Littleton, NC. My seven year old and I are planning to attend.

http://colonialkids.org/ministry/fathersonretreat.html

WOW DAD!

One of the coolest things about a dad, from a kid's point of view, are the little tips, tricks, and pockets of secret knowledge he seems to always have. Whether it is pointing out the north star, making his thumb seem to separate from his hand, or pulling some meaningful fact out of nowhere, these special little moments give a dad that special aura of knowledge and wisdom.

For those of us that didn't receive a legacy of these cool tricks, there's a neat little e-book that will fill in the gap:

The first version of WOW DAD! was published in 1999. Since then, the book has given thousands of parents simple, new ways to have fun with their children whenever they're together.

WOW DAD! is NOT a craft book - it's packed full of simple, fun things that you'll enjoy doing again and again. And they can be done at home, in a restaurant, while driving, walking, standing in line - I mean anywhere.

http://www.wowdad.com/

Biblical Masculinity

Here are some articles on Christian masculinity from the Reformation21 Blog.

Biblical Masculinity #1: Fear of the Lord

Biblical Masculinity #2: A Definition

Biblical Masculinity #3: Industry

Biblical Masculinity #4: Integrity

Biblical Masculinity #5: Self-Control

Boys Will Be Boys

Even though this article references non-Christian sources and examples, here is a good general introduction to the concept of "Rites of Passage". If you have wondered why there is such a growing emphasis on them and what they are all about, read this short article to come up to speed.

I really like the acrostic the author created to help men formulate their own rite of passage: "The R.I.T.E. Approach". It stands for "Read, Investigate, Target, Evaluate"...all of which are essential steps to creating a meaningful ceremony for the boys in your life.

Boys Will Be Boys: Rites of Passage and Male Teens

Why Should We Teach Our Kids About Money?

Here's an article from Christian financial counselor Dave Ramesy. This is a little unlike the normal posts for this site, but Dave's "system" has helped us tremendously with our own finances.

I only wish I had learned his method years ago, and I would have avoided a lot of "stupid tax". Anyway, this article encourages parents to start teaching their kids about money at an early age:

Why Should We Teach Our Kids About Money?

Prodigal Son Magazine

Here's an interesting online resource.

Prodigal Son Magazine is a dynamic men's portal site for men of integrity. It aims to be a cornerstone for Christian men, a place for men after God's heart to find informative, relevant, cutting edge information on lifestyle, relationships, career, pop culture and their walk with God.

http://www.prodigalsonmagazine.com/

Advice for Fathers

Here's an article called "Advice for Fathers" that contains some no-nonsense advice that we parents who were raised in the post-modern relativistic era need to be reminded of from time to time.

Advice for Fathers

This article is from a broader website by author/consultant James Stenson. I haven't read all the articles, but from first glance, they seem right on. I don't see any open mention of his being a Christian, but it is hard to imagine that such strong moral principles could come from anywhere else.

Stenson's Parent Leadership Web site

How I Have Helped My Boys to Become Christian Men

Here's an article from a dad on how he set the specific goal of manhood for his boys, formulated a methodology of training them, created a "Bar Jeshua" celebration to solidify the coming of age, and finally how the manhood of his sons was dealt with in the household.

An excellent testimony of how one man personalized the RaMDK principles.

How I Have Helped My Boys to Become Christian Men

Words to Live By

I received my most recent Raising a Modern Day Knight newsletter today, encouraging us as fathers to continue to "reject passivity". I thought the way the author ended the newsletter with a motto was really cool. I'm not sure if it is his or the motto for the whole ministry, but it rings true with me:

Live Pure | Speak Truth | Right Wrong | Follow the King

Check out this old post if you are looking for ideas for your own personal motto:

http://warriorshand.blogspot.com/2007/02/whats-motto-for-you.html

Weekend to Remember

Weekend to Remember is a weekend marriage conference held by FamilyLife that teaches God's design for marriage and family. The environment is fun, non-threatening, and sometimes hilarious. And it's a wonderful time for couples to refresh good marriages or heal troubled ones. There are over 150 conferences in cities all across the U.S. each year. Registration is open to individuals, couples, or groups. Whether you're engaged, newlywed, or remarried, enrich your marriage and begin a godly legacy for your family by attending a conference in a city near you.

Weekend to Remember

Ransomed Heart

I'm not sure why I've never posted this, but here's the main web site for all of John Eldredge's various books, ministries, and events. There's no doubt his stuff is inspiring. According to the website:

The story of your life is the story of the journey of your heart through a dangerous and beautiful world. It is the story of the long and sustained assault on your heart by the Enemy who knows who you could be and fears you. But it is also the story of the long and mysterious pursuit of your heart by the God who knows you truly and loves you deeply.

Check it out at:

http://www.ransomedheart.com

Unfading Beauty

For my daughter's 10 birthday, my wife and I performed a womanhood ceremony with her (we do this every 3 years for the ages 7 through 19).

We took her to Duke Gardens, a beautiful renowned garden near our home. As we walked around the gardens surrounded by beautiful flowers and landscaping, we shared with her five principles that we hope will encourage her as she continues to grow into a Godly woman.

The first principle has to do with "Unfading Beauty", how a true woman's focus is not only on her outward beauty, but on her inward beauty. Below is a copy of the actual letter we gave her. I am convinced our daughters need to hear words of encouragement from their dads.

Unfading Beauty

Turn the Light On

Lamplighter Ministries is committed to helping pastors and parents equip believers to face today's challenges through discernment of truth and the renewing of their minds. Lamplighter is doing just that by building character... one story at a time.

And to do this they are currently running a "Turn the Light On" campaign/promotion:

To encourage families to set aside time to read together, pastors will challenge their congregations to covenant to abstain, for 30 days, from all forms of media entertainment. During this 30-day period, Lamplighter will provide 5 Lamplighter books for each participating family for a third of the retail cost ($30); we are asking the church to contribute a third, and Lamplighter will contribute a third. Each contributor (family, church, Lamplighter) will be investing $30 per family. I strongly believe that the return on this investment will be a congregation with renewed passion and vitality!

Check with your pastor or children's pastor to see if your congregation can participate.

Lamplighter Publishing -- Turn the Light On

The Great Adventure...LIVE

Another Wild at Heart inspired adventure camp:

Three men who have personally experienced restoration of the heart through the ministry of John Eldredge and the Ransomed Heart Fellowship have put together an adventure for men looking to awaken and recapture those deep and true God given desires in their hearts.

All three have attended the Wild at Heart Boot Camps and Advanced Platoon Leadership Boot Camps in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. According to them this weekend is no retreat. It’s your opportunity to take four days out of your busy life to go on a guided expedition into the restoration and release of your heart.

The Great Adventure...LIVE

Men of Valor

Tim Frankovich decided to do something specifically for the high school boys in his youth group in 2003 to help them to become true men.

Building a rough teaching outline from the book Every Young Man's Battle, he put together a two-day retreat focusing on issues of purity and integrity. Framing the entire weekend with the battle theme, he incorporated activities such as gladiator duels and "man hunt" in the woods.

Over the last five years, the Men of Valor retreat has grown, both in activities, teachings, and scope.

Check it out for some great ideas for your youth group!

http://www.menofvalor.cc/

Can World's Strongest Dad

Read this article. Prepare to be touched. Prepare to be inspired.

Watch the video. Prepare to have a lump in your throat...

http://cjcphoto.com/can/

GodMen

I'm not sure what I think about this yet....

I first stumbled across it through my familiarity with Brad Stine, an "edgy" Christian comedian. It looks like this "movement" is gaining some steam.

Many of the key words they're using scare away some Christian men....things like "absolute honesty, transparency and openness" and "raw, and real". To be honest these intrigue me...the last thing I want to happen in my life is to "play church" just to get by.

I'll have to do some more research before I make a recommendation, but in the meantime here's the site:

GodMen - Christian men's conference

BreakAway's Father-Son Adventure 2007

HIGH ADVENTURE
7-Day Trip July 29 - August 4, 2007

Take on our life-changing excursions and become wilderness warriors together. You’ll hike, rock climb, raft and relax in the majestic mountains of Colorado—all for the purpose of connecting as fathers and sons. In addition to hiking, rock climbing and white-water rafting, fathers and sons will have plenty of time to relax and have fun together at Silver Cliff Ranch.

The deadline for High Adventure has officially passed; however, they're still accepting applications for a VERY FEW remaining positions.

BREAKAWAY'S FATHER-SON ADVENTURES 2007

Picker Point -- My Manhood Ceremony

Here is a great blog entry from a man who was given a surprise manhood ceremony by his father-in-law, brothers-in-law, grandfather-in-law, and his dad. He gives a nice account of the experience and expresses how he was affirmed by these important men in his life.

For those who aren’t familiar with what a "Manhood Ceremony" is, it’s a tradition that families start in order to affirm and bless the young men in their family as they are coming into manhood.

Usually it is done for a teen but really it could be done at any time. Check out the post for inspiration:

Picker Point -- My Manhood Ceremony