Lead Me

Ok, I'm a little behind the curve on this one, but I just heard Sanctus Real's song "Lead Me" for the first time a few days ago...and man did it blow me out of the water!

Funny because recently we did our traditional family New Year's "areas I want to grow in" chart. It is basically 4 circles labeled: Spirtual, Emotional, Mental, and Physical.

In each circle we write the things we want to improve in or change about ourselves for each category. In the center of the entire diagram is a small space for us to write one central, over-arching thing that we want to work on for the year that impacts everything else.

Mine just happened to be: "Be a better leader".

Imagine the impact of hearing the song after that!

Here are some of the lyrics and links to find out more if you haven't yet heard the song...

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

LEAD ME LYRICS - SANCTUS REAL

Listen on Playlist.com

The Story Behind the Song

All Parents Homeschool

Here's a re-post of the "Play of the Day" from All Pro Dad.

The title grabbed my attention since we homeschool our kids (and we are quite proud of that fact), but I realize that is not a option or doesn't fit for every family.

Regardless, we parents must remember that we are daily teaching our kids; attitudes, habits, world views, etc. This happens in our home. If you want to talk about your kids being successful in life, realize that having involved parents is the single biggest indicator of a child's success:

...even if parents send their children off to school to learn, they are almost singlehandedly the only factor that matters in their kids' educational success.

Important to remember!

All Parents Homeschool

Dadcando

So you're going to be home from work for a few days with no obligations other than spending time with the wife and kids. Great!

After the glow of the new presents wears off, you might need some ideas on some activities to do with the kids. That's where this great resource comes in handy:

As a dad, you have a lot on your plate right now, and I know that there is probably so much going on in your life that it’s hard to think straight. That’s why I have condensed the most important information you really need at your fingertips, and put it all on to one site, so that you can make the most of the special time you spend with your kids.

dadcando.com

The Mission Of Your Marriage

December marks the end of a year-long marriage mentoring relationship my wife and I entered into with a couple from church. We started out under the auspices of marriage enhancement and quickly realized we were bordering on marriage crisis.

We are so glad we took the time to let an older (more experienced) couple mentor us in this way...I can truly say it has made a difference.

Along those lines, here is a great website from Marriage Missions International dedicated to "revealing the heart of Christ within marriage". They have a ton of good articles on many different aspects of marriage.

Of particular interest to me is this short how-to on creating a mission statement for your marriage and family:

The Mission Of Your Marriage And Family

Over-committed and Under-connected

My wife and I have managed to get out for coffee and planning a couple of times over the last week, planning for the year. There is so much to do, and so little time to do it!

Here's a quick reminder from the latest All Pro Dad Play of the Day that really hit home. As leaders of our homes, we are the ones that have to be willing to set the tone for our families and have the courage to say "no" when there are too many things going on. And it may take courage...especially if your wife our kids don't agree with the assessment.

Read it, think about it, then make the change you need to make!

The two biggest issues modern families face are over-commitment and under-connection. Parents over-commit at work, at hobbies and even at church. Kids over-commit at school or piano lessons or athletics. What that means is less time as a family together and less relational connectedness.

To get better connected as a family, you have to spend more time together, which may mean reprioritizing current commitments. Strong families make their family time a top priority.

Tabernacle Model Kit

While doing an online search for model kits to give the boys for Christmas, I stumbled on this cool kit. I doubt my boys would appreciate this under the tree, but I'm thinking this would make a great family project at some point, and a great way to teach the theology of the Tabernacle.

Tabernacle Model Kit

Pure Intimacy

Here's a website from Focus on the Family that brings together a lot of information in one place on sexuality, with specific sections for ministry leaders, couples, and parents.

Of special note is the section on the "Theology of Sexuality", something that ultimately informs all of our decisions around this topic: the movies we watch, if/when we let our kids date, even how we vote.

As the site says:

Although the Bible employs other analogies for God’s relationship to His people, the most common is that of bridegroom and bride. If we are created in God’s image, does this heavenly relationship have any bearing on our earthly relationships? It holds more meaning than most of us have ever imagined.

Pure Intimacy

Making Memories with Your Teen

Short, nice little article from FamilyEducation.com about time with your teen.

It's important to remember that although your teen may seem to be pushing away and sending the "I'm too cool to be seen with my parents" vibe at times, they really need us to draw closer than ever:

Teens don't want to be seen with their parents, much less talk to them or do anything with them. That's what we hear all the time. I don't buy it. I never did.
...
If you've taken the time throughout their childhood to really know and appreciate who your children are -- and to share who you are with them -- there will be many times during their teenage years when they will want the pleasure of only your company, when they will need you by their side, when they must have your arms around them.

Making Memories with Your Teen

Tripp Brothers

A long while ago I reviewed the book Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp. I pulled it back off the shelf a couple of days ago to look something up and realized (anew) what a great book it is.

The teaching ministries of Paul and his brother Ted Tripp have had a significant impact our family. If you are not familiar with their work I would encourage you to take a look:

Paul Tripp Ministries

Tedd Tripp Shepherd Press

A Survival Story

A great story from today's news:

"I just kept thinking about her and how I was not going to leave her without a brother and her father in the same day -- not on my watch..."

To infinity and beyond: A sparkling survival story - CNN.com

God's Family Values

The political season always brings about the bandying of the term "family values". Here's a little article on God's Family Values.

In view of the true condition [born twisted and practice sin moment by moment] of all people, including children, what should a Christian father do? He must read the Bible. Christian family values do not come from politicians, judges, or professors, but only from the one book which is in accordance with reality--the Bible, the very word of God. Therefore, a Christian father should study the Scriptures daily and diligently so God's family values will be coming from God the Father through the human father into a family. If a Christian father refuses to study the word of God daily and diligently, he will have nothing to offer his family in terms of family values. He will instead subscribe to and teach the secular orthodoxies prevalent in the world.

Respect

I'm teaching a class at our homeschool co-op again this year...my 4th grader insisted I teach one of his classes! (since I have taught for his older brother and sister in the past)

I needed to come up with some class rules to share the first day and the typical "raise your hand before talking" and "don't touch your neighbors belongings" just weren't cutting it, so I dug a little deeper.

Basically it seems like those rules all come down to respect:

re·spect

tr.v. re·spect·ed, re·spect·ing, re·spects

1. To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.

2. To avoid violation of or interference with.

3. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

So, I formulated our class rules using the KISS principle:

1. Respect God
2. Respect the Teacher
3. Respect Each Other

That pretty much covers anything that could happen in a classroom. For that matter, with a small tweak that covers everything in a home as well.

Now, the sticky point comes in the enforcement of the rules....

Designed Dilemmas

Quick but insightful article by Tim Kimmel about leaving our kids a legacy by teaching them real life lessons:

I call this a "designed dilemma." It's creating a situation or an environment in which children are forced to focus on their needs as well as draw conclusions about their lives.

A loving legacy must be transferred, not just given. It must be embraced and appropriated into the core of our children's hearts. We can't be satisfied with modeling (as important as that is). We must develop lessons for our children that compel them to wrestle with (and therefore remember) critical truths.

Designed dilemmas lend strong support to one of the most worthy of all ambitions: Raising kids who turn out right.

Cody's Lesson - FamilyLife.com

Things happen when you say No

Good post over on Lifehacker about priorities, etc. This excerpt stood out to me, especially considering the crazy pace of our summer...

One effect of having priorities is how often you have to say no. It's one of the smallest words in the English language, yet many people have trouble saying it. The problem is that if you can't say no, you can't have priorities. The universe is a large place, but your "priority one" list should be very small. That small list means there are thousands of good ideas that must be denied to focus your energy on the ones you've chosen to pursue. If you continually say yes to ideas that do not match your priorities, you are saying yes to failure. If you want to change your priorities, that's one thing, but if you are constantly changing them then they were never priorities at all. You did not think deeply enough about them if, emotionally, they are easy to change every few hours. So a fundamental law is this: if you can't say no, if you can't protect your priorities, you can't make things happen.

For parents the ability to say no is essential to avoid the family becoming over-extended. Likewise, it is an enormous gift to give your children the ability to say no to themselves and others.

Try this. At the next family dinner tell the kids you want them to "tell yourself no at least one time tomorrow" and report back on how it went at the next dinner...you'll be amazed at what they come up with!

Cherish Your Children

Nice little article especially for Father's Day that reminds us to cherish every moment with our children:

After their baby died, Mike and Sara went through all measure of genetic testing to see if it would be okay for them to have another child. When everything checked out, they had a baby girl, Jenny. Then, a couple of years later, they were blessed with a second baby girl, Katie. These were glorious years for Mike and Sara. No doubt the loss of their first baby helped them to cherish their girls.

But then, one day, for no apparent reason, Jenny became seriously ill. Her parents rushed her to the hospital, but there was nothing the doctors could do to save her life. She died of unknown causes. The grief Mike and Sara felt was felt was overwhelming. To have lost one child was profoundly tragic. To have lost a second was almost unbearable.

Reflections on Fatherhood: Cherish Your Children

Overscheduled Kids and Teens

Is your family anything like ours this time of year?

The good news: all the extra-circular activities, special events, and homeschool co-op groups are finally winding down for the year.
The bad news: it's time to start planning out all the logistics for camps, vacations, and mission trips for the summer.

But seriously, all these things are good things ...it's just that if we are not careful we can commit to too many good things, which can be a bad thing. I have to confess we sometimes slip into a mentality summed up as:

giving [your] child necessary “opportunities” by having them participate in as many activities as possible.... keeping kids extremely active in these activities, is necessary for future success.

Here's a common-sense article that reminds us that there are risks for having too many activities and that good old-fashioned "family time" is a viable alternative:

Make family time a priority. Spending time together should take precedence over each family member pursuing their individual activities. Healthy activities like walking, biking, or gardening together can also help keep stress levels at bay.

Overscheduled Kids and Teens: The Risks of Too Many Activities

What's a Dad Worth

I don't know about you, but sometimes I need some "dad encouragement". Yes, I know I play a pivotal role in my kid's lives...but sometimes I don't feel like it. I get the impression the "machine" would keep rolling on without me.

Here's a nice little article that reminds us how we dads are different and why it is important. Also, that strategic time with our kids is invaluable:

Fortunately men today know how valuable they are to their children. The most recent studies show that dads spend 33 percent more time with their kids than their counterparts 20 years earlier... When you combine workdays and weekends, men today spend an average of two to three hours a day engaged with their young children - far more than the oft-cited figure of 12 minutes a day...

But just punching in on the family clock isn't the whole story. "Presence means more than simply being there, ...A father who is engaged can be deeply vested in his children, even when he is absent."

What's a Dad Worth

Coaching Boys into Men

In a recent post, I mentioned that serving on a jury opened my eyes to the problem of violence against women and reminded me how important it is to mentor our sons (and other men for that matter) on how a man properly treats a woman.

As promised, here's another quick-read article from Family Violence Prevention Fund that emphasizes the importance of coaching boys in this area. From the article:

Boys are swamped with influences outside of the home – from friends, the neighborhood, television, the internet, music, the movies… everything they see around them. They hear all kinds of messages about what it means to “be a man” – that they have to be tough and in control. There are numerous conflicting and some harmful messages being given to boys about what constitutes “being a man” in a relationship.

Coaching Boys into Men

Founding Fathers

I recently had the opportunity to serve on a jury in our county's Superior Criminal Court. I had never served on a jury, and I have to say it was eye-opening in many ways.

The case I was seated for was a domestic abuse case with a husband accused of assault and second degree kidnapping on his wife. Unfortunately, the case ended in a mistrial because one juror refused to believe the woman's testimony.

Regardless, the experience sent me on a web search for resources on teaching boys how to properly respect women. Needless to say, this a big problem in our society. I'll post several more links in the future, but for now, here's a great organization I found that gives visibility to this issue:

As a Founding Father, you are setting the example for generations of young men who will follow you. Your son, grandson, nephew, younger brother - all the boys in your life need your time, energy, and advice to help them grow into healthy young men. Through your guidance, they'll learn that real men respect women, that violence never equals strength, and that there is honor in taking a stand against violence.

Are you teaching your boys these things? If so, stop by the website and add your name to the "declaration".

Founding Fathers

The Ten Commandments of Fatherhood

The Dad Commandments
10 fundamental laws for fathers
By The Editors of Best Life
http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=4725718&GT1=10015

Fatherhood, you might argue, is too complicated to be reduced to capsule form. But complexity only adds intrigue to the quest for guiding principles. And do we need guiding principles. After all the emotions, all the yelling, and all the laughter, I have distilled the duties and demands down to a decade of Dad dicta. Herewith, on behalf of all God's children and their male parents, the 10 Commandments of Daddy.

1. Hey, Dad, be big

In spirit, that is. Consider some of the big guys who have gone before you: Father Time, God the Father. You can't give this role a walk-through. You've got to play it. The kids expect stature from you. You're the anvil on which they hammer out their deal with the world. Be a presence in their lives-and in their minds.

2. Hey, Dad, be small

Yes, this contradicts the first tip. Don't be so big that you suck all the air out of the room. Give your kids space to move around in, to test their thoughts and strengths. Take a backseat three or four times a week. Say, "Maybe." Say, "I don't know." Now and then, tell the kids you're sorry-assuming you behaved badly. You'll feel brand new.

3. Hey, Dad, come home

Lots of fathers have two jobs. If that's your situation, God bless you, pal. You'll get no heat from me. But if you can pay the bills without working double shifts, get home when you can. Nothing good can happen until you do.

4. Bob and weave, Bubba

Stay light on your feet. Don't make too many hard-and-fast rules. Don't insist on having your way with the kids just because the rest of the world isn't always overly interested in the sound of your voice. There is a difference between authority and power. Have the first; don't abuse the second.

5. Never dance in front of their friends

Remember the cautionary legend of the father who once picked his kids up at a junior-high dance and actually went into the gym and did a few seconds of the Hully Gully with Margie Costanzo. His adult children still have embarrassment nightmares.

6. Save your money, big man

If you're not careful, the kids will send you to the poorhouse three dollars and twenty-nine cents at a time. Think college tuition. Think down payment on their starter homes. Although it's true that money can't buy happiness, it can buy lots of other stuff.

7. Spend your money, tightwad

F. Scott Fitzgerald said the sign of a first-rate mind was the ability to have two opposite opinions at the same time. You're a first-rate mind, Dad. So spring for the glowing monster trading cards. If you've got the money, pop for the musical princess crown. What are you saving your money for, pal? College? Hah! You can't possibly save enough. There is the future, and then there is now. This is it.

8. Never go on a ride with the word whirl in its name.

Especially the Space Shuttle Whirl at the Great Escape near Lake George, New York. It's tougher to be a good father when your nervous system is permanently compromised. Stay on the ground and wave.

9. Let 'em be-they're not your second chance

We become most upset with the kids when they remind us of... well, us. Help them follow their own path, not your road not taken.

10. Love their mother

Hug Mom. Often. In front of the kids. Sure, sometimes marriages end, but the obligation to a woman doesn't. Be grateful to her. Speak to her with respect. Try to make her laugh. Listen. Figure out how to love her.