Leaving a Legacy

I'm finally getting around to journaling my youngest son's first ceremony.

The weakest link in the chain of these "rights of passage" I've been doing with my boys is the capturing on paper(or computer) of what we did, how it went, and most importantly the feelings
and impact it made on us.

My hope is that writing it up will encourage and inspire other dads as well as be a lasting keepsake for my boys...something that will be a legacy they can share with their kids someday.

Robert Lewis makes this point by using the Legacy Album. Another approach I've seen is Letters from Dad.

If/when I finish journalling, I'll post it here.

In the meantime, here is a picture of my youngest son after the ceremony holding the rock he received as an object lesson as well as a filled in Manhood Ceremony Plan that reflects what we actually did:

Sammy's "Lad" Ceremony Plan (doc)
Sammy's "Lad" Ceremony Plan (pdf)

Modern Heraldry

If you've decided somewhere along the line that you would like to put together a coat of arms for your family, but you just don't have the time to devote to learning about heraldry and putting it together, there are a few services on the web you can use.

Even though I've put together my own Coat of Arms, I'm thinking of using a service to produce a "grant" that I can hand down to my kids.

Check out one resource here:

ModernHeraldry.com

Designed Dilemmas

Quick but insightful article by Tim Kimmel about leaving our kids a legacy by teaching them real life lessons:

I call this a "designed dilemma." It's creating a situation or an environment in which children are forced to focus on their needs as well as draw conclusions about their lives.

A loving legacy must be transferred, not just given. It must be embraced and appropriated into the core of our children's hearts. We can't be satisfied with modeling (as important as that is). We must develop lessons for our children that compel them to wrestle with (and therefore remember) critical truths.

Designed dilemmas lend strong support to one of the most worthy of all ambitions: Raising kids who turn out right.

Cody's Lesson - FamilyLife.com

The Last Lecture

Just heard that Randy Pausch passed away. I was only faintly aware of his "The Last Lecture" stuff (I've seen clips on youtube but haven't read the book) but the idea of presenting the lessons you've learned in your life to your kids in that format definitely appealed to me...

A lot of professors give talks titled “The Last Lecture.” Professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them. And while they speak, audiences can’t help but mull the same question: What wisdom would we impart to the world if we knew it was our last chance? If we had to vanish tomorrow, what would we want as our legacy?
When Randy Pausch, a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon, was asked to give such a lecture, he didn’t have to imagine it as his last, since he had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. But the lecture he gave—“Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”—wasn’t about dying. It was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because “time is all you have…and you may find one day that you have less than you think”). It was a summation of everything Randy had come to believe. It was about living.

Here's more info:

The Last Lecture | Randy Pausch

Comprehend the Magnitude

I can't remember where I found this article, but I clipped it and keep it around as a reminder of how easy it is to slip into a "treading water" mind set. I do not want to be this man!

I think I've been coming dangerously close to this description in too many areas of my life lately. Here's hoping a little jab will get me out of my rut...and remind me that my "mitigation plan" is to seize the fact that my eternity is as a joint-heir with Christ, and that in the meantime I have His work to do by His Grace for His glory.

Area Man's Life Slipping Away Even As He Reads This

June 23, 1999

GLENDALE, CA—The life of Greg Chelecki continues to slip away from him even as he reads this article, sources close to the 47-year-old insurance claims adjuster confirmed Monday.

Though the range of opportunities available to Chelecki is constantly dwindling, there is reportedly nothing he can do to prevent his existence from slowly marching toward its inevitable conclusion.

"I just thought I'd sit down a couple minutes and see what's in the paper," Chelecki said. "Might as well."

Chelecki's life, which he describes as "okay," is that of an average U.S. suburbanite, populated by a typical assortment of friends and loved ones. Like those of many men his age, the life has featured a few small triumphs, several notable tragedies, a 14-year stretch in a mid-level management position, home ownership, and a sturdy but unspectacular marriage.

Despite its uninspired nature, the life is the only one Chelecki possesses. It is unknown as of press time whether this makes his situation any more or less poignant.

"Greg's life is pretty much the same as that of a lot of guys I know," said Chelecki's neighbor, Howard Lehmann. "He just keeps on keeping on, know what I mean? At least he's enjoying reading that newspaper right now instead of slogging through that big pile of paperwork he's got to get through by the end of the week."

This morning, Chelecki's life continued to pass him by as he showered, ate rye toast, commuted to work in his leased Saturn coupe, and maintained an acceptable level of forced politeness while interacting with his supervisor. The passage of his life did not stop, or even slow, during any of these events.

"I like relaxing after work with the paper. It calms me down a bit. You have to take time for yourself every now and then," said Chelecki, whose remarks brought himself six seconds closer to the end of his existence.

Experts say Chelecki, while aware of the inexorable passage of time, does not comprehend the magnitude of what is happening to him.

"Many people don't truly allow themselves to consider the finite nature of their lives until the end is right in front of them," said Brown University sociologist Geoffrey Gausmann. "Only by distracting themselves with such things as Whopper sandwiches, dirty jokes at the office water cooler, The Drew Carey Show, and newspapers such as the one Chelecki is currently reading can they bear the subconscious knowledge that time is always running out."

Observers say the meaninglessness of Chelecki's life could be somewhat mitigated if he were to engage in more worthwhile pursuits, such as playing tennis, taking a gourmet-cooking class with his wife, or having children. However, analysis of the estimated 430 rich, full lives known to recorded history indicates that even such positive, proactive steps as these would fail to cease, or even slow, Chelecki's second-to-second erosion.

Projections indicate that the steady ebbing of Chelecki's life will most likely end sometime in 2028, when it will finally be halted by his death, a condition which will, in turn, endure until the end of time itself.

The Dad Diaries

Here's a site based on a cool idea: give dads a place to share "warm and wonderful slices of life" that we experience with our kids to inspire each other.

I can't tell if the site is operational or not, but there are a few stories and "dadages" there to check out.

Even if you aren't into sharing your stories with others, recording some funny/touching stories from your own kids as part of your legacy is a great idea.

Dad Diaries

Legacy Dad

I have to admit sometimes I get the feeling I am just over-thinking this whole "strategic father" thing...I mean, am I just making all this stuff up?!? Do Christian dads really need resources and encouragement?

Thankfully I'll stumble upon a website or blog now and then that has such a similar "heartbeat" to mine that those questions melt away and I'll get confirmation that I'm not in this alone.

Legacy Dad is such a website. With a tag line like "Real Men Leave a Legacy", it didn't take me long to figure out we are on the same page. From the intro page:

this site is about striving to be the best father, parent and spouse that a man can be. It is about being a role model and setting the example in many areas of your life. It is about being accountable and standing out from the rest:

Being a great husband.

Being a strategic father.

Being a role model for your children, friends and co-workers.

Being disciplined and smart with your finances and creating abundance.

And living your life by a higher code of biblical morals and values.

Go check it out:

Legacy Dad

Leader Of The Band

I'm not a huge Dan Fogelberg fan, but I was saddened to hear that he died after battling cancer.

One song of his that touched me was Leader of the Band. Right up there at the top on any "best of father/son music" list along with Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle, this is one of those songs that can give you a lump in the throat the first time you hear it, and can make you stop and think almost every time you hear it.

Here's the lyrics with my emphasis added. See the link at the bottom for more on this singer/songwriter.

Leader Of The Band

An only child alone and wild, a cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none
He left his home and went his lone and solitary way
And he gave to me a gift I know I never can repay
A quiet man of music denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once, but his music wouldn't wait
He earned his love through discipline-- a thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls took me years to understand
(Chorus)
The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band

My brothers' lives were different for they heard another call
One went to Chicago and the other to St Paul
And I'm in Colorado when I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose and have come to know so well

I thank you for the music and your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go
I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough
And, papa, I don't think I said 'I love you' near enough
(Chorus)
I am a living legacy to the leader of the band

Dan Fogelberg

Stanley London Manhood Gifts

So you've made the decision to create a cermony for your son to celebrate his passage toward manhood, but you have no idea what kind of gift to get him?

I've shared in the past a great place to get engraved stones/rocks, but here is another website with a large selection of brass instruments like compasses, sextants, telescopes, other nautical instruments, and even swords. They'll do custom engraving on most of their items.

I purchased a compass from them and had it engraved with some principles around "Choosing a Direction" and the verses Proverbs 3:5-6 for my son on his 10th birthday. It turned out great!

Stanley London

Letters from Dad

The Letters from Dad curriculum and product line is based on the profound question:

If God were to take you home today... what would your wife and children hold in their hands tomorrow that would let them know that they were the treasures of your life?

Founder and President Greg Vaughn took the sadness he felt after his dad passed away and he realized "I did not possess even a signature of my father" and turned it into a ministry to help dads.

You are invited on a journey... a journey to leave a legacy of Faith, Hope and Love through the lost art of letter writing.

Four Pillars of a Man's Heart

Building upon the "Four Pillars of Manhood" model set forth in his bestseller Tender Warrior, author Stu Weber leads readers in an expanded, in-depth biblical exploration of what it means to be a king, warrior, mentor, and friend.

Addressing key circumstances faced by men of all ages and backgrounds, and using ample illustrations and stories to drive home his points including his time in military service, Four Pillars of a Man's Heart focuses on areas of struggle and opportunity faced by husbands, fathers, and single men of all ages and backgrounds.

Four Pillars of a Man's Heart
Author:	Stu Weber
ISBN:	1576734501
Genre:	Religion & Spirituality/Christianity
Recommended:	Yes
Score:	9 out of 10

A Father's Blessing

God has given those of us who are fathers a unique and powerful role to fulfill with our children. We influence them greatly, either for good or for ill. Some children grow up and vow that they will not be like their dads. They spend their whole lives reacting against their fathers. But even then the father is exerting a strong influence over the child. Hopefully, as Christian fathers, we will bless our children with a rich legacy of the things of God so that they will want to follow Him all their lives.

This article by Steven J. Cole draws out the lessons in Genesis 49, as the dying patriarch Jacob imparts his final blessing to his 12 sons.

http://conklins.googlepages.com/blessing.doc

How To Share Your Life Story Effectively

It should be our desire to present Christ in such a clear, simple and attractive way that people we share with will not only want to know Him, but they will also know how to know Him personally….

A carefully and intelligently worded testimony will communicate far more effectively than a prolonged one that includes a lot of extraneous material which will distract from, rather than emphasize, the point of personal commitment to Christ and what this can mean in a person’s life.

This document contains some thoughts and guidelines to help you prepare a simple and effective three-minute testimony that can be shared in a wide-variety of situations.

LifeStoryGuidelinesWorksheets.doc