Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

Here's a re-post of a blog entry from 2008 from Ron Edmondson's blog.

Everyone's aware of the fairly recent phenomenon of the Bucket List, "the things I want to do before I die"...and I have to admit I have spent some time thinking about what mine would be.

But the simple (and arguably more practical) premise of his post is "the things I want my boys to know, but I don’t think I ever taught them". Man, does that hit me between the eyes!

With my oldest now out of the house and on his own, I'm finding there are quite a few of these in my own life...even though I started consciously enacting the principles of my blog with him from the age of 10. It is all the more practical for me to make this list since I still have two younger boys in the home.

Take the time and come up with your own list...I know I will.

7 Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

Quest for Christlike Manhood

Always great to find another blog with the same heart to encourage men in their Christian walk.

Here's a great blog I just found out about that does just that. Check it out:

Quest for Christlike Manhood

Iron Sharpens Iron

I'm getting ready for the new year by checking out events that I may want to go to during the course of the year...and attending a men's conference is definitely on the list.

It's been awhile since I've been to a Christian men's "stadium event" (I attended a Promise Keeper conference back in 1998), but I have great memories of doing so.

I have a neighbor who recently became a Christian and I would love to help him jump start his growth in the area of leading his family. Nothing else can do that quite like being in a large venue with hundreds of other guys who are all trying to be better men!

It looks like this organization has a great line up and plenty of dates in 2011:

Iron Sharpens Iron | National Men's Conferences

Awakening Heroic Manhood

Good post on Covenant Eyes blog describing some practical ways women can help inspire their men to live a noble manhood:

Men need someone to believe in them. They need someone to tell them that they can rise above this horrendous mediocrity. They desperately need someone to tell them that they can have a lot more than “one thing” on their minds. And they need someone to raise the expectations of their manhood. Believe it or not, we as men need you, as young women, to help us find our way out of this spiritual gutter of cultural “normalcy.”

Awakening Heroic Manhood | Covenant Eyes

Man Making

I've mentioned before that manhood rites-of-passage concepts are not the exclusive domain of Christian fathers. Here's a manhood blog & website that appears not to be Christian in nature, but often has interesting insights and links to other info.

Of particular interest to me is the page that lists "guy films"...films the author has found contain themes that tie in well with manhood discussions.

These films can be great discussion starters for groups of men, and for a group of men and adolescent males. The debrief can always add some depth to a film for young guys, and you’ll be surprised where a discussion can lead a group. While the film will suggest the best questions, sample debrief questions might include:

• What scenes in the move were the most memorable for you? How did those scenes make you feel? Why?
• What was the most exciting part of the film?
• Who was your favorite character and why?
• What did the film teach you about being a man? Do you think men are like that in real life?

Man Making

Healing a Man's Father Wound

I remember being introduced to the concept of the "Father Wound" many years ago and thinking it was a bunch of nonsense...

Years of experience in talking to men has proven otherwise. Much of what men struggle with in their quest to be "real men" and subsequently passing it on to their boys centers around this important relationship.

It is important for all men to know:

Only a father (or a surrogate or substitute father) can affirm a man's masculinity and make him feel that he's a man. Neither fame nor fortune nor all the women in the world can ever do this for him. Only a father's love can.

Here's a short article explaining the concept, the consequences, and how to begin to heal.

Healing a Man's Father Wound

Holds Everything You Need

Stumped on what to tell your kids that you want for Christmas?

What could be more manly than a new wallet....but not just any wallet....

You need the Slim Clip*! Reduce your plastic cards down to 7 or so, get yourself $20 cash to carry around, and quit collecting receipts (you never look at them anyway!)

I've been using one of these since last Christmas (I discovered and ordered it and gave it to my wife, to give to my kids, to give to me) and I love it. I carry it in my front right pocket and it is so convenient and cool.

You'll never go back to that bulky, soggy, chunk of leather you have stuck in your back side!

Official Slim Clip Website

*I'm not getting any kick-back, I just really like the product!

It's Better to Build Boys than Mend Men

Throw another book on the "need to read" list:

Children have plenty of buddies. In an age when kids all around us are growing up without strong, positive guidance from their parents (who are busy, distracted, gone, or choose to be buddies instead of parents) children need someone they can look to with respect to help them build their lives.

When he was thirteen years old, Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, had such a man step into his life: a Sunday school teacher who modeled love, respect, hard work, and discipline. Cathy decided to follow that model, and today he has some 130 foster grandchildren, many of whom have broken their family’s generational cycle of neglect through the encouragement of Cathy and other adults who reached out to them.

In It’s Better to Build Boys Than Mend Men, Truett Cathy lays out a simple model for adults desiring to reach out to youth and challenges readers to allow God to work through them to change the life of a child. His book is filled with stories illustrating the principles of discipline, trust, reputation, generosity, common sense, peer pressure, and family stability.

Readers who follow their hearts into children’s lives will find that their own lives are enriched as well.

I'll post a review once I get a chance...

BetterMen?

Christian men don't have the exclusive desire to be better husbands & fathers. There are quite a few non-Christian organizations devoted to mentoring and helping men to be "better men".

While I believe that apart from a relationship with Jesus Christ it is impossible to become the men we were designed to be, I can't just sweep these secular organizations under the rug...they truly have some good insight and have many of the same goals.

Ultimately while their mission might be the same (initiating men into manhood, mentoring, building community, etc), the primary belief they base their programs on is that men are fundamentally "good" and just need the support of other men to become "better".

Christians on the other hand believe we are fundamentally "bad" (ie, sinners) and that only by the saving grace of God can we become "new", and through a relationship with Him, he helps us to operate as men in this "newness".

Check out this website to see this topic from a non-Christian perspective:

BetterMen

The Men of Honor & Ladies of Honor

Here's a cool ministry that is attempting to minister to both boys & girls, men & women. It looks like they offer both training and retreat-style camps.

I really like the "axioms" from their mission statement:

The Men Of Honor Axioms

I am a winner... I am a man of honor;
I do the right thing... because it's the right thing to do; My word is my bond.
C.H.I.P.
Character, Honesty, Integrity, Perseverance.
If there is no man... I will be the man;
Manhood and Christ-likeness are synonymous;
Being a male is a matter of birth;
Being a man is a matter of choice;
There is no greatness outside of God;
1, 2, 3... YES!

The Ladies Of Honor Axioms

I am a leader... I am a Lady of Honor
My attitude... Is my choice
I do the right thing... Because it is the right thing to do
I learn to listen... Because I listen to learn
A good leader... Is a good follower
To be a Godly leader... I must follow Christ
L.I.G.H.T.
Loyalty, Integrity, Generosity, Honesty, Trustworthiness
I am not ordinary... I am extraordinary
My inner beauty... Is the jewel that shines within me
Ladies of Honor... Shine
1,2,3... YES!

The Men of Honor & Ladies of Honor Homepage

Passage

Here's another aptly named Colorado-based company offering father/son adventures based around the theme of discovering Biblical manhood:

In summary, our passion is to fuel the heart-to-heart relationship between a young man and a guide, preferably his father, in order to help him successfully traverse the formative adolescent years and follow Jesus into the later stages of life.

Our conferences and resources are designed to be a catalyst to serve the churches with the necessary ‘scaffolding’ to have their own ongoing, biblically based rite of passage initiative. Consequently, we foresee a day when a church can confidently send a young man to college or into the marketplace knowing his unique design as a man, what it takes to follow Christ, and have within him the beginning skills to navigate his faith within the culture.

I really like the compass metaphor they use:

(N) Navigate the Heart to Follow Jesus
(W) Walk in the Path of God’s Word
(S) Serve the Brotherhood
(E) Engage in the Battle


Check out the website for upcoming adventure dates:

Passage

Saving Our Boys

While most of the resources I share on this blog are oriented towards fathers becoming strategic in raising their own children, my heart is also burdened for the fatherless.

For a few years I participated in sharing a weekly Bible study at a Wake County Juvenile Detention Center which really made me appreciate what a struggle life is for young boys without a strong male role model.

Here's a ministry that is doing something about it. From the website:

Every Sunday morning, our churches are full of moms who are praying for a godly man to take an interest in their sons, to mentor them; they need help. Even more importantly, those boys need help. In the absence of a father, they need Christian men in their lives to guide them on their journey to manhood

Men lay the foundation for boys in their journey to manhood, helping them discover who they are. More importantly, as Christian men, they show them that God has a plan for their lives. EVERY MAN IS A MENTOR!

The heart of this ministry is to SAVE THE BOYS by encouraging, challenging, and equipping men to make a difference, to be a godly influence in the lives of their sons and the many fatherless boys in their churches and neighborhoods. Absentee fathers have created a huge new mission field -- Fatherless Boys -- and we need men to help those boys become men of character and integrity, men of faith.

Saving Our Boys

AbbaFather Men's Ministry

I've heard of Gordon Dalbey but have never read any of his books.

From the looks of his website, he is yet another voice in the modern men's movement: stressing the importance of healing our "father wound", pointing us to Jesus as the definition of manhood, and providing resources to teach and encourage as we become the men God wants us to be.

I definitely like the tagline for his ministry: "a real man is a man who's real".

I'll try to squeeze in some time to read one of his books. In the meantime check out the website:

AbbaFather Men's Ministry

Buying a Sword

I've mentioned before that I decided to present my oldest son a sword for one of the stages of his progression towards manhood.

Well, he was supposed to receive it a year ago (I'm starting to detect a trend here) but I am just now to the point where I am ready to purchase his sword and arrange a ceremony.

As far as sword buying goes, it is not for the uninitiated. There are lots of nuances and pitfalls to choosing the right weapon. The best place to start researching is definitely:

Sword Buyers Guide .com

Here you will find a primer on sword basics and terminology, "war stories" on what can wrong when buying a sword, reviews of several manufacturers as well as specific swords, guides for various types and styles, an online magazine, even a forum area. Everything you need to get started is there.

After pretty extensive research I decided to go with The Warspike: Knight Longsword. It's a “hybrid” Hand-and-a-Half Medieval sword with a hand-forged, High-carbon steel, fully heat tempered, "battle-ready" full tang blade from StrongBlade. (yeah, that's a mouthful...check out SBG to understand what all that means)

I'll probably post a review of the experience once I receive and present it to him. But in the meantime, my advice is to start early with any ceremonies you may be planning!

Planning for Manhood

I'm finally taking my youngest son away for his first manhood ceremony this weekend...one year late.

That's right, I'm a guy that eats and breaths this manhood stuff (teaching classes, running a blog, helping other guys with ceremony ideas, etc.) and still I let a whole year slip by on me!

I know from leading a Raising a Modern Day Knight class at my church that it can be hard for any man to stay on task with his plans in this area. We are generally good at coming up with the vision...but lacking in the execution.

Here's a Word doc I came up with last Fall to help you design a ceremony. Writing it out (with a date attached) helps the planning process start and provides a level of accountability. Give it a try.

ManhoodCeremonyPlan

Imprint of a Godly Man

“An imprint of a godly man on the heart of a boy forms the contours and diagram of what he needs to become. This by the way explains the reason gangs are so prevalent in urban cultures. The numbers of fatherless boys far exceeds that in the suburbs…..and the pull toward violence/cruelty is amplified in these situations. Repeat teenage pregnancies and unmarried liaisons have produced streets filled with young boys desperate for a man’s guidance…..without nature to challenge; with limited places to release energy; without a father, grandfather, or positive male mentor, the boy views the streets as his proving ground….and the wretched cycle of violence, sexual conquest, abandonment of children, substance abuse, and irresponsibility repeats itself over & over again……and what has been the norm for fatherless children in the inner city is quickly becoming the norm in the heartland”

paraphrased from “Passed through Fire” by Rick Bundschuh

Squires2Knights

I'm always searching for resources, articles, documents, etc. to share on this blog...and every once and awhile I stumble on something that makes me think: "how did I never see this before?"

Here is a link to such a site. Talk about being on the same wavelength! It's great to see other Christian dads out there with the same call from the Lord to spread the word about bestowing a vision of authentic manhood to the next generation of men.

From the site:

Today’s families, communities, churches and nation bear little resemblance to those of yesteryear. The onslaught of cultural changes has strained our society beyond its limits. Overwhelming evidence points to the vacuum of authentic manhood as a major cause of these issues.

Tomorrow’s hope for authentic manhood rests in today’s boys.

Today’s boys need faithful men!

They need changed men!

They need men equipped to model, teach and mentor.

On the site you'll find links to resources, products (a book and devotional guide), and a blog.

Check it out:

Squires2Knights

Christian Manhood

There's something kind of refreshing about the austere quality of this workbook-style resource for training boys into men of Christian character from Plain Path Publishers.

If you and your son are used to slickly produced material with vibrant colors, "hip" graphics, and bite-sized information, you may well be underwhelmed by this meaty, no-frills presentation.

However, if you can get past the surface, you're in for some powerful Biblical principles.

Each of the chapters gives an overview of a principle, specific examples, Biblical underpinning, exercises & questions to discuss, and (my personal favorite) a personal evaluation section.

I don't agree with everything in every section, and much of it will seem a bit "old-fashioned" at first glance--but that has more to do with our cultural norms than with the material itself.

Overall a great resource to help you and your son set manhood goals.

Christian Manhood
Author:	Gary Maldaner
ASIN:	B0019M4A86
Genre:	Religion & Spirituality/Christianity
Recommended:	Yes
Score:	8 out of 10
Summary:	A Guide for Training Boys to be Spiritually Strong Men

Father, Son Reach Everest Summit

This is an old article, but I just stumbled on it. The big headline here is "the youngest American to successfully scale Mount Everest", but to me the kicker is that he did it with his dad: side-by-side.

I have no desire to climb Everest (or any peak where death may be involved for that matter) and no delusions that I will ever achieve a goal of this magnitude, but I couldn't help but think about spiritual parallels of this achievement...

Are we with our sons as they scale the "peaks" in their lives? Are we walking side-by-side with them into high spiritual ground? Instead of Generation Everest are we aiming for Generational Manhood?!

Spokane Father, Son Reach Everest Summit

Exhortation

Look at I Corinthians 16:13,14.

This is part of Paul closing exhortation which we need to heed as men today. These verses have five significant applications to fathers and husbands.

"Watch ye" for as long as we are in this world we are in the place of danger, we are surrounded by pitfalls and snares on every hand. (See Mark 14:38.) We dare not trust ourselves and we cannot trust the world through which we journey.

"Stand fast in the faith" is a command we must embrace for so many people blow hot and blow cold. We must embrace the whole counsel of God, understanding doctrine as we walk in truth. The wife and family desperate need our consistency and stand on the Word of God. (See Matthew 4:4; 11 Timothy 1:14.)

"Quit ye like men" was a reproof from Paul because some of them were acting like babies; some were divided into sectarian groups. He had fed them with milk and not meat for they were fussing, quarreling Christians. (See I Corinthians 1:1-10.)

"Be strong" reminds us of I John 2:14 which speaks of young men in the faith who were strong, overcame satan, and were men of power for the Word of God abided in them.

"Let all your things be done in love" brings to focus again the great importance of a walk in divine love. (See Ephesians 5:1,2.)