Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

Here's a re-post of a blog entry from 2008 from Ron Edmondson's blog.

Everyone's aware of the fairly recent phenomenon of the Bucket List, "the things I want to do before I die"...and I have to admit I have spent some time thinking about what mine would be.

But the simple (and arguably more practical) premise of his post is "the things I want my boys to know, but I don’t think I ever taught them". Man, does that hit me between the eyes!

With my oldest now out of the house and on his own, I'm finding there are quite a few of these in my own life...even though I started consciously enacting the principles of my blog with him from the age of 10. It is all the more practical for me to make this list since I still have two younger boys in the home.

Take the time and come up with your own list...I know I will.

7 Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

Joshua Expeditions

My oldest son is a junior in high school so we are starting to look into options for after he graduates. One serious consideration is taking the semester before college to go abroad. Here's a great ministry that provides Christian educational ministry opportunities for college-age kids:

Are you ready to experience student travel with purpose? Joshua Expeditions specializes in quality Christian travel designed to integrate Christ and ministry into student trips. We not only help your students see the world, we give them the opportunity to change it! Our educational student trips are designed with a service and ministry component in every program.

Joshua Expeditions

Parenting Today's Teens

No doubt about it, parenting teens is a whole different ballgame than parenting younger kids...and it can get ugly sometimes.

Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, national radio host, and the founder of the Heartlight Residential Counseling Center for Struggling Teens, which is a Christian based resource for parents dealing with the many new challenges that this time of life brings.

I love this quote from one of his posts:

If you believe God is in control of all things, then your situation is not hopeless. And, we can help you get through it. But a first step is to look to see if God may be calling you to do something different in your own life. This isn’t to say that you’ve caused the current problem, but what you do and don’t do now can be a catalyst for it continuing, or getting to the other side of it.

Check out his blog:

Parenting Today's Teens

Making Memories with Your Teen

Short, nice little article from FamilyEducation.com about time with your teen.

It's important to remember that although your teen may seem to be pushing away and sending the "I'm too cool to be seen with my parents" vibe at times, they really need us to draw closer than ever:

Teens don't want to be seen with their parents, much less talk to them or do anything with them. That's what we hear all the time. I don't buy it. I never did.
...
If you've taken the time throughout their childhood to really know and appreciate who your children are -- and to share who you are with them -- there will be many times during their teenage years when they will want the pleasure of only your company, when they will need you by their side, when they must have your arms around them.

Making Memories with Your Teen

Resolved

Recently a question came up about how much of my "early days" to share with my oldest son. I didn't become a Christian until I was 27, so there were plenty of years where I lived a worldly life.

As questions come up about girls, music, drinking, drugs, etc. I have to use discretion about what to share and what not to. In the past, I have been very open with him...in fact I started to feel that I was maybe being too open. I didn't have a principle on which to base my decision about what to share.

Thankfully, this short article from Fathers.com made me consider an excellent point:

don’t share your past unless you’ve resolved it

Through God's mercy I have resolved all much of my past, see it for what it is, and have come to terms with it. Now I can warn my children about my mistakes, give them a Biblical explanation/alternative, and help them avoid the same pitfalls.

Check out the entire (short) article here:

Raising Self-Controlled Sons

Do Hard Things

I've been searching for a book to read with my 16 year-old...this looks promising:

Written when they were 18 years old, Do Hard Things is the Harris twins' revolutionary message in its purest and most compelling form, giving readers a tangible glimpse of what is possible for teens who actively resist cultural lies that limit their potential.

Combating the idea of adolescence as a vacation from responsibility, the authors weave together biblical insights, history, and modern examples to redefine the teen years as the launching pad of life and map a clear trajectory for long-term fulfillment and eternal impact.

Written by teens for teens, Do Hard Things is packed with humorous personal anecdotes, practical examples, and stories of real-life rebelutionaries in action. This rallying cry from the heart of revolution already in progress challenges the next generation to lay claim to a brighter future, starting today.

Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris

Tripp Brothers

A long while ago I reviewed the book Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp. I pulled it back off the shelf a couple of days ago to look something up and realized (anew) what a great book it is.

The teaching ministries of Paul and his brother Ted Tripp have had a significant impact our family. If you are not familiar with their work I would encourage you to take a look:

Paul Tripp Ministries

Tedd Tripp Shepherd Press

Aggressive Girls

Who would have thought this would be a problem?

I'm not sure how it is in your circles, but from what I can tell teen and pre-teen girls are very aggressive these days. I've seen some very tasteless and desperate behavior on the part of girls who throw themselves at guys for attention/affirmation.

There are two sides to this to be sure... and I'm becoming acquainted with both. My oldest son is on the receiving end of some of this attention. And my daughter is at an age where her peers are starting to demonstrate it. In a bizarre twist, her friends sometimes demonstrate this aggressiveness towards her brother (hopefully this is helping her see the foolishness of it!)

Here's an article from well-known Christian author/speaker Dennis Rainey with his impressions of this "new" problem:

Back when I was growing up, there were some girls who were called “boy crazy,” but very few were as forward and aggressive as what we’re seeing today. Based on my conversation with parents, and what I’ve seen through research on the Internet, I think parents are facing some serious challenges. We’re seeing more girls taking the initiative with guys at younger and younger ages, and aggressively attempting to lure them into sexual activity....
the situation has changed enough in recent years that we need to ask, “How can we prepare our teenage sons for dealing with the attention and temptation being thrown at them by some sexually aggressive girls?”

Protecting Your Son From Aggressive Girls
(The Family Room - March 2008 - FamilyLife.com)

Acquire the Fire

To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure how I feel about large Christian pep-rally-ish multiple-band "mega-events".

On one hand they seem to be a great alternative for Christian teens looking to scratch the "I'm part of something bigger" itch...but on the other hand I question if this is truly a grass-roots effort, or just some promoters trying to leverage a marketing ploy that works in secular markets.

Regardless of my personal misgivings, there is no doubt the message is clearly Christ-centered.

Here's a link to one of the better known events:

Acquire the Fire

Father Son Retreat

Here's the website for a father/son retreat in Florida that helps dads develop a deeper relationship with their son as they begin their journey towards manhood.

Teacher and counselor William T. Walker rightly points out that as a father you’ve made a commitment to yourself to do everything you can to help your son become the kind of man he’s capable of becoming.

From the website:

Journey to Manhood is designed to enhance your leadership role in your son’s life. Together with other fathers and their sons you will explore what it mean to be a man, how to communicate effectively, how to resolve conflicts in a win/win manner and the importance of building healthy relationships

The site looks really cool, but I need to point out that while the concepts fit nicely within a Christian world-view, I see nothing on the site that indicates it is Christian-based.

Father Son Retreat - weekend wilderness camp and retreat

Building Honesty and Honor in Your Teen’s Life

Having a teen in the home necessitates constant vigilance to prevent the cultural norms of lying, anger, manipulation, and rebellion from creeping in. Will your teen demonstrate these behaviors and worse at times? Of course! But the quesiton is, will they become an accepted part of their life, or will you as the parent maintain a standard that does not accept those behaviors as normal in your family?

It is not always easy, and the onslaught of challenges sometimes seems overwhelming.

Here's a short article that reminds us of six simple steps to maintaining and even restoring that much needed standard.

LifeWay: Biblical Solutions for Life -
6 Steps to Building Honesty and Honor in Your Teen’s Life

Breakaway

Since 1990, Breakaway magazine has been encouraging teen guys to break away from the pressures of the world around them and to get real in a relationship with Jesus. As our theme verse says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God?s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:2).

Breakaway is a magazine of Focus on the Family, and it's all about teen guys. If you're into it, we'll write about it. Enjoy our stories about sports, adventure, music, girls, faith, technology, and much more. And connect with fellow teens who care about making a difference for Christ in their world.

BREAKAWAY: LIFE. GOD. TRUTH::FOR GUYS

Boundaries With Teens

I just picked this book up at our church library, and it definitely hit a nerve. Amazon has several favorable reviews, but just reading the first chapter was enough to convince me to read the whole thing.

Like with many books of this genre, there is apparently a whole Boundaries "franchise"... Boundaries with Kids, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Your Pets, etc.(I made the last one up) But don't let that put you off, because if there is truly any group that needs boundaries clearly defined, it's teenagers!

The key message here seems to come down to the old cliché "pick your battles" only reworded to the more eloquent tag line: "When to Say Yes, How to Say No". Even though the advice is well worn, here it is not presented with the usual shrug of the shoulders and a resigned fatalism...but with a wise, grace-filled exploration / reminder of what adolescence is like and the nut&bolts of how to set up and apply boundaries.

I'll publish a full book review when I'm done, but in the meantime here's more info:

Boundaries With Teens

Generations of Virtue

With a teenager son and a "tweenager" daughter, I am always looking for resources that deal with combating the cultural pressures around them. The constant flow of information through movies, music, tv, and peers gives a pervading message of relativistic values to our kids as the world tries to squeeze them into the mold.

As fathers, it is our job to protect them and anchor them to the Truth. But how do we do this without becoming isolationists, protecting them to the point that they are unable to cope when they leave the home and are on their own? Only by equipping and preparing them now to understand the difference will they be able to survive and even perhaps lead their peers to a higher moral standard.

Generations of Virtue is a non-profit, volunteer-driven ministry that equips parents to empower their kids for purity in our world today. We work closely with parents and teens as we provide them with classic and cutting-edge resources to fight the battle for purity.

It looks like they break down their book resources by gender and age to make it easier to find appropriate material. Also, they provide dvds, audio books, and purity jewelry. Check it out at:

Generations of Virtue

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

Having three boys I spend a lot of time focusing on father/son issues...but I also have a daughter that God has blessed me with. Finding resources for father/daughter issues is a little bit harder, that's why I am so excited about a book I just came across called Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Dr. Meg Meeker.

I am ordering the book and will post a review as soon as I am done, but in the meantime here are some videos of an interview with her (Below is part 1. There are 6 parts in total). Great stuff!

Forging Ahead: Apprenticeship

Here is a good article from the Home School Court Report on the HSLDA website. It touches on an issue I have been thinking about a lot with my oldest son being a high school sophomore: apprenticeship. Even though I have a "high tech" job and hope that they will attend college, I think it would be beneficial for my boys to be exposed to labor trades and gain some practical vocational experience as well.

This article gives some history about apprenticeships in our country, explains what a modern apprenticeship looks like, and gives some practical tips on how to assess if it is the right thing for your child and how to find one if so. It has a homeschool slant, but really could apply to any high schooler.

Forging Ahead: Apprenticeship

The New Chivalry

TrueU.org is a community for college students who want to know and confidently discuss the Christian worldview. I found a good article there about "modern day Chivalry" which includes a list of common courtesies you can begin to put into practice at all times, toward all people. Our sons need to know these things!

To be a gentleman these days doesn't necessarily mean ruining your coat so your date doesn't have to walk across a puddle. It doesn't mean knowing which fork is the dessert fork, or whether or not you should put your elbows on the table. What it means is viewing people — all people — as the valuable human beings they are. It means treating people with respect out of reverence for Christ. In any situation, ask yourself: How would I want my grandfather to be treated? How would I want my future daughter to be treated? Then live out your answer.

The New Chivalry: How to Treat Women ... and Everyone Else

10 Needs of a 14 year old boy

Found this awhile back, not sure where. Thought provoking:

10 Needs of a 14 year old boy

1. To climb a mountain and look down from the peak.
2. To sit around a campfire with team mates and good friends.
3. To test his strength and his skills on his very own.
4. To be alone with his own thoughts and with his God.
5. To reach out and find the hand of an adult willing to help.
6. To have a code to live by...easily understood and fair.
7. Play hard for the fun of it...and work hard for the thrill of it.
8. To have a chance to fail...and know why.
9. To have good friends and to be a good friend.
10. To have a hero...and a vision to measure him by.

The Importance of Family Dinners

Here is an interesting study from The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University. Some very interesting statistics to mull over, but the thing that stood out the most to me was this observation:

What They Want at the Table is You
This year’s report finds that 84 percent of teens prefer to have dinner with their families rather than eat alone. Eighty-one percent of 16- and 17-year olds also prefer to dine with their families. Of those teens who have less than three family dinners per week, 62 percent say they would prefer to eat with their families compared to 92 percent of teens who have at least five family dinners per week.

The Importance of Family Dinners IV

Men of Valor

Tim Frankovich decided to do something specifically for the high school boys in his youth group in 2003 to help them to become true men.

Building a rough teaching outline from the book Every Young Man's Battle, he put together a two-day retreat focusing on issues of purity and integrity. Framing the entire weekend with the battle theme, he incorporated activities such as gladiator duels and "man hunt" in the woods.

Over the last five years, the Men of Valor retreat has grown, both in activities, teachings, and scope.

Check it out for some great ideas for your youth group!

http://www.menofvalor.cc/