Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

Here's a re-post of a blog entry from 2008 from Ron Edmondson's blog.

Everyone's aware of the fairly recent phenomenon of the Bucket List, "the things I want to do before I die"...and I have to admit I have spent some time thinking about what mine would be.

But the simple (and arguably more practical) premise of his post is "the things I want my boys to know, but I don’t think I ever taught them". Man, does that hit me between the eyes!

With my oldest now out of the house and on his own, I'm finding there are quite a few of these in my own life...even though I started consciously enacting the principles of my blog with him from the age of 10. It is all the more practical for me to make this list since I still have two younger boys in the home.

Take the time and come up with your own list...I know I will.

7 Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

Healing a Man's Father Wound

I remember being introduced to the concept of the "Father Wound" many years ago and thinking it was a bunch of nonsense...

Years of experience in talking to men has proven otherwise. Much of what men struggle with in their quest to be "real men" and subsequently passing it on to their boys centers around this important relationship.

It is important for all men to know:

Only a father (or a surrogate or substitute father) can affirm a man's masculinity and make him feel that he's a man. Neither fame nor fortune nor all the women in the world can ever do this for him. Only a father's love can.

Here's a short article explaining the concept, the consequences, and how to begin to heal.

Healing a Man's Father Wound

Passage

Here's another aptly named Colorado-based company offering father/son adventures based around the theme of discovering Biblical manhood:

In summary, our passion is to fuel the heart-to-heart relationship between a young man and a guide, preferably his father, in order to help him successfully traverse the formative adolescent years and follow Jesus into the later stages of life.

Our conferences and resources are designed to be a catalyst to serve the churches with the necessary ‘scaffolding’ to have their own ongoing, biblically based rite of passage initiative. Consequently, we foresee a day when a church can confidently send a young man to college or into the marketplace knowing his unique design as a man, what it takes to follow Christ, and have within him the beginning skills to navigate his faith within the culture.

I really like the compass metaphor they use:

(N) Navigate the Heart to Follow Jesus
(W) Walk in the Path of God’s Word
(S) Serve the Brotherhood
(E) Engage in the Battle


Check out the website for upcoming adventure dates:

Passage

Father & Son Golf Adventures

I'm personally not a golfer, but I understand that many men enjoy it. Here's a website that takes the love of golf and father/son bonding and puts the two together in a great way:

Father and Son Golf Adventures (FSGA) provides an awesome venue for Fathers to spend quality time with their sons doing things that they both enjoy and can contribute too. The events that FSGA organize and run are specifically designed to engage Fathers and Sons in fun and interactive activities. They are structured to allow both the Fathers and Sons to fully enjoy themselves (they are adventures) and encourages Fathers and Sons to work together and play together.

Father and Son Golf Adventures

Malachi Global Foundation

Way back in February of 2007, the third post on this blog was a review of Brian Molitor's book Boy's Passage, Man's Journey.

From the looks of his website, it seems his ministry is still going strong!

I hope to soon read his book for daughters: Girl's Passage - Father's Duty.

Check him out here:

Malachi Global Foundation

Better Dads

It is really exciting to see the "next generation" of authors beginning to write about being strategic in raising sons & daughters with a core of moral substance.

While I will always go back to the founding fathers of this genre (Robert Lewis, Steve Farrar, Stu Weber), it is nice to hear new voices too.

While I haven't yet read his books, Rick Johnson looks very promising as one of those new voices. From his website:

I believe families, communities, and our society can grow stronger when parents begin to realize the unique power and influence we have in the lives of our sons and daughters. This goal is reflected both in the books I've written and through Better Dads, a fathering skills ministry that now equips both men and women to become better parents, spouses, and leaders.

I hope to soon read his book Better Dads, Stronger Sons: How Fathers Can Guide Boys to Become Men of Character. I'll post a review as soon as possible...in the meantime here's his website:

Better Dads

Imprint of a Godly Man

“An imprint of a godly man on the heart of a boy forms the contours and diagram of what he needs to become. This by the way explains the reason gangs are so prevalent in urban cultures. The numbers of fatherless boys far exceeds that in the suburbs…..and the pull toward violence/cruelty is amplified in these situations. Repeat teenage pregnancies and unmarried liaisons have produced streets filled with young boys desperate for a man’s guidance…..without nature to challenge; with limited places to release energy; without a father, grandfather, or positive male mentor, the boy views the streets as his proving ground….and the wretched cycle of violence, sexual conquest, abandonment of children, substance abuse, and irresponsibility repeats itself over & over again……and what has been the norm for fatherless children in the inner city is quickly becoming the norm in the heartland”

paraphrased from “Passed through Fire” by Rick Bundschuh

Christ in the Tetons

I've mentioned before that I've been leading a six week class going through the Raising a Modern Day Knight video series.

One of the best things about these videos are the segments where the dads and sons are taking on exciting adventures in the Grand Tetons. Having these inspiring backdrops as Robert Lewis imparts the principles from the book definitely adds impact.

The good news is that we fathers have the opportunity to have the same experience with our sons through Christ in the Tetons, an organization that provides "Father and Son Adventures".

They have just release their 2009 schedule so go check it out:

Christ in the Tetons

Respect for the Office

So I'm doing two things I try not to do:

1. Make a post on my blog with a link to a post in another blog (I link to other blogs, just not to specific posts)

2. Make a post about politics

However, this post from Graced Again summed up what I've been thinking for awhile now. Because he threw in a father/son analogy, I feel empowered to send you over there!

Romans 13 is clear that our responsibility is to submit to authorities. This doesn’t mean we have to agree with everything they do or even work to change their policies. It certainly doesn’t mean we have to reelect them in four years. It does mean that we are to show them respect as we criticize them and as we disagree, because they are the elected leader of our nation.

My best example of this is in my own family. My boys may not always agree with me. I am certainly not always respectable. They are expected, because of my position, to always respect me. They don’t have to agree with me. As they become adults they may not even have to obey me, but my position as their father should garner their respect. (I hope they are reading!)

Respect for the Office of President - Ron Edmondson

Christian Manhood

There's something kind of refreshing about the austere quality of this workbook-style resource for training boys into men of Christian character from Plain Path Publishers.

If you and your son are used to slickly produced material with vibrant colors, "hip" graphics, and bite-sized information, you may well be underwhelmed by this meaty, no-frills presentation.

However, if you can get past the surface, you're in for some powerful Biblical principles.

Each of the chapters gives an overview of a principle, specific examples, Biblical underpinning, exercises & questions to discuss, and (my personal favorite) a personal evaluation section.

I don't agree with everything in every section, and much of it will seem a bit "old-fashioned" at first glance--but that has more to do with our cultural norms than with the material itself.

Overall a great resource to help you and your son set manhood goals.

Christian Manhood
Author:	Gary Maldaner
ASIN:	B0019M4A86
Genre:	Religion & Spirituality/Christianity
Recommended:	Yes
Score:	8 out of 10
Summary:	A Guide for Training Boys to be Spiritually Strong Men

Dad's Deep Divide

So the summer is long gone now, but I just found this article about Michael Phelps. I kept on wondering as I watched his record-setting performance this summer why only his mom and sisters were there to cheer him on, with no dad in the picture. Now I know.

How sad that this young man has records and fame, but lacks the one thing he probably wants more than anything else: the approval of his father.

"This is his world, and I'm just watching him travel through it," Fred [Phelps] told the Baltimore Sun in a 2004 interview. "People ask me how he's doing, where he's swimming next, and it's hard to say that I don't know."

Our sons may never reach this level of notoriety...but no matter what course they take , may it never be the case that we check out of their lives. It is our duty to make sure the divide does not remain.

DAD'S DEEP DIVIDE WITH SWIM KING MICHAEL PHELPS - New York Post

Panthers Father & Kids Experience

I have been the "team captain" of the local All Prod Dad's Day sponsored by All Pro Dad since January of this year. It has been great fun to get together with other dads and their kids once a month and just share time together.

The big news is that the yearly Carolina Panthers Father & Kids Experience has just been announced! We had a great time last year and would highly recommend it. It tends to fill up quickly so register ASAP.


Saturday
November 8, 2008
1:30 PM - 4:30 PM
Panthers Practice Fields
Event expected to sell out early

What Makes a Good Father? Sons.

Here's a well written article by a father of three boys who did not have a strong manly influence in his life. He succinctly captures in a few paragraphs several thing so many of us fathers can't seem to put into words, but struggle with constantly.

What I'm discovering is that as I try to guide these ornery, wild-hearted little boys toward manhood, they are helping me become a better man, too. I love my sons without measure, and I want them to have the father I did not. As I stumble and sometimes fail, as I feign an interest in camping and construction and bugs, I become something better than I was.

Boys to Men

A Survival Story

A great story from today's news:

"I just kept thinking about her and how I was not going to leave her without a brother and her father in the same day -- not on my watch..."

To infinity and beyond: A sparkling survival story - CNN.com

Backyard Ballistics

As an alternative to fireworks for The Fourth of July this year, we will be launching our newly constructed combustion potato-cannon (aka Spud Gun).

With the help of our friend Chris, we built it using $40 worth of stuff you can pick up at your local Lowe's hardware. It was quite easy to build, is relatively safe (you are dealing with a controlled explosion here...so safety procedures need to be followed!) , and provides an awesome father/son bonding experience.

If you want to learn more, there is a ton of stuff on the web from people who take it very seriously:

The Spudgun Technology Center

http://dangerouslyfun.com/spud-gun

http://backyard-ballistics.com/

The Battle of All Time

Imagine a partial list of some of the coolest imaginary characters and creatures in a young boy's world:

Army Men
Secret Agents
Dragons
Ninjas
Samurai
Giants
Superheros
Cowboys
Robots
Alien creatures
Cyborgs
Mythical beasts
Vikings
Knights
Dinosaurs
Wizards
Pirates*

Now, imagine all of these (* except for Pirates, but that's another story) as playable figures in the ultimate board game for boys and dads. You don't have to imagine anymore, because right now on the shelf of your local Walmart, Target, or favorite game store there is a little slice of "plastic heaven" called Heroscape.

If you have never heard of this game you are missing out on a wonderful experience. If your idea of an evening of playing a family boardgame is another dull game of checkers or *cringe* Monopoly, then you are in for a treat should you pick this game up.

My boys and I have been involved in this game/hobby for a few years now: collecting the figures (it is "non-collectible" but we are completists, so we have all the figs), designing maps/scenarios, and playing as much as possible.

I highly recommend it as a great dad/son bonding experience and a darn fun game.

Find more info here:

Gamerdad.com : Heroscape Review

Official Heroscape Site

Homeschool Football League

We were a little late in joining this organization, but now that we have, my oldest son is loving it.

Homeschoolers are finally starting to get "equal opportunities" in sports. What I especially like about this group is their desire to have dads very involved:

The Homeschool Football League is committed to helping foster stronger father and son relationships. Each season, we schedule events like our Father and Son Game and our Kick, Punt, Pass Competition. These special occasions have been a tremendous success and highlight the difference between the HFL and other secular leagues...As we continue to build the league, we will base our development, conduct, and decisions on the principles of the Christian faith lived out in the life of Jesus Christ, our Savior.

Homeschool Football League

Whisker Rubs

Well it is obvious to me that I am never going to find the time to read all the books I would like to read...so the next best thing is to find good book reviews done by others.

Here is a short, general review from the Books for Boys blog of a book that has beeen on my "to read" list for awhile.

“Whisker Rubs” is an important book because it doesn’t simply lay out what’s gone wrong for boys and men in our society. Nor does it lay the blame solely on women or the feminist movement. Don also offers answers and solutions.

Books for Boys: WHISKER RUBS

Coaching Boys into Men

In a recent post, I mentioned that serving on a jury opened my eyes to the problem of violence against women and reminded me how important it is to mentor our sons (and other men for that matter) on how a man properly treats a woman.

As promised, here's another quick-read article from Family Violence Prevention Fund that emphasizes the importance of coaching boys in this area. From the article:

Boys are swamped with influences outside of the home – from friends, the neighborhood, television, the internet, music, the movies… everything they see around them. They hear all kinds of messages about what it means to “be a man” – that they have to be tough and in control. There are numerous conflicting and some harmful messages being given to boys about what constitutes “being a man” in a relationship.

Coaching Boys into Men

Founding Fathers

I recently had the opportunity to serve on a jury in our county's Superior Criminal Court. I had never served on a jury, and I have to say it was eye-opening in many ways.

The case I was seated for was a domestic abuse case with a husband accused of assault and second degree kidnapping on his wife. Unfortunately, the case ended in a mistrial because one juror refused to believe the woman's testimony.

Regardless, the experience sent me on a web search for resources on teaching boys how to properly respect women. Needless to say, this a big problem in our society. I'll post several more links in the future, but for now, here's a great organization I found that gives visibility to this issue:

As a Founding Father, you are setting the example for generations of young men who will follow you. Your son, grandson, nephew, younger brother - all the boys in your life need your time, energy, and advice to help them grow into healthy young men. Through your guidance, they'll learn that real men respect women, that violence never equals strength, and that there is honor in taking a stand against violence.

Are you teaching your boys these things? If so, stop by the website and add your name to the "declaration".

Founding Fathers