Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

Here's a re-post of a blog entry from 2008 from Ron Edmondson's blog.

Everyone's aware of the fairly recent phenomenon of the Bucket List, "the things I want to do before I die"...and I have to admit I have spent some time thinking about what mine would be.

But the simple (and arguably more practical) premise of his post is "the things I want my boys to know, but I don’t think I ever taught them". Man, does that hit me between the eyes!

With my oldest now out of the house and on his own, I'm finding there are quite a few of these in my own life...even though I started consciously enacting the principles of my blog with him from the age of 10. It is all the more practical for me to make this list since I still have two younger boys in the home.

Take the time and come up with your own list...I know I will.

7 Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

Dadcando

So you're going to be home from work for a few days with no obligations other than spending time with the wife and kids. Great!

After the glow of the new presents wears off, you might need some ideas on some activities to do with the kids. That's where this great resource comes in handy:

As a dad, you have a lot on your plate right now, and I know that there is probably so much going on in your life that it’s hard to think straight. That’s why I have condensed the most important information you really need at your fingertips, and put it all on to one site, so that you can make the most of the special time you spend with your kids.

dadcando.com

The Communication Game

Christmas is a few days away and I can guarantee you there will be board games under our tree. How about you? Do you take the time to slow down and play a board game with the kids?

Here's a board game that is specifically designed for dads and daughters. From the publisher:

If you talk to your children now, chances are they'll talk to you later. The Communication Game a is a fun game that makes it easy for fathers and daughters to communicate with each other on "father-daughter" outings via a fun, casual "you ask, I answer" format...

The game is designed for fathers with daughers' age 10 or higher, but many fathers have played with daughters much younger. The game was invented over ten years ago by a father who was looking for a way to stay in touch with his daugter after being separated by divorce.

Awards:
2009 Teachers Choice Awards for the family by Learning Magazine
2008 National Parenting Publications Awards
2007 Game of the Year Award by Creative Child Magazine

The Communication Game - The Father Daugther Communication Game & Learning Tool.

At Amazon

Future Kids to Play Outside

This is a re-post from March, but I thought it was clever and very relevant considering the number of "motion controller" type consoles and games that will be opened and put into use in a few days.

Favorite line:

The evolution has been rapid. First controllers vibrated, then the Wiimote simulated bowling, and now Project Natal [Kinect for Xbox 360] has us jumping around the living room. At this pace kids could be playing outside by 2015.

Check it out for a good chuckle:

New Technology May Allow Future Kids to PLAY OUTSIDE

The Mission Of Your Marriage

December marks the end of a year-long marriage mentoring relationship my wife and I entered into with a couple from church. We started out under the auspices of marriage enhancement and quickly realized we were bordering on marriage crisis.

We are so glad we took the time to let an older (more experienced) couple mentor us in this way...I can truly say it has made a difference.

Along those lines, here is a great website from Marriage Missions International dedicated to "revealing the heart of Christ within marriage". They have a ton of good articles on many different aspects of marriage.

Of particular interest to me is this short how-to on creating a mission statement for your marriage and family:

The Mission Of Your Marriage And Family

Healing a Man's Father Wound

I remember being introduced to the concept of the "Father Wound" many years ago and thinking it was a bunch of nonsense...

Years of experience in talking to men has proven otherwise. Much of what men struggle with in their quest to be "real men" and subsequently passing it on to their boys centers around this important relationship.

It is important for all men to know:

Only a father (or a surrogate or substitute father) can affirm a man's masculinity and make him feel that he's a man. Neither fame nor fortune nor all the women in the world can ever do this for him. Only a father's love can.

Here's a short article explaining the concept, the consequences, and how to begin to heal.

Healing a Man's Father Wound

She Calls Me Daddy

With three boys in the house, it is always a struggle to keep my daughter from "falling through the cracks". I'll be honest...it's just easier to deal with boys.

Going through an old box of books the other day I found this book again. My daughter is a teen, so it's been a few years since I read it. But if I remember correctly, it is a good book.

Check it out:

She Calls Me Daddy Review

Holds Everything You Need

Stumped on what to tell your kids that you want for Christmas?

What could be more manly than a new wallet....but not just any wallet....

You need the Slim Clip*! Reduce your plastic cards down to 7 or so, get yourself $20 cash to carry around, and quit collecting receipts (you never look at them anyway!)

I've been using one of these since last Christmas (I discovered and ordered it and gave it to my wife, to give to my kids, to give to me) and I love it. I carry it in my front right pocket and it is so convenient and cool.

You'll never go back to that bulky, soggy, chunk of leather you have stuck in your back side!

Official Slim Clip Website

*I'm not getting any kick-back, I just really like the product!

Strategic Dads

Well over a year ago I posted a link to the blog pre-cursor of this resource.

Now it looks to be a full-on ministry with really great content. Of particular interest to me is the "Create a Crest" feature.

Check it out at:

Strategic Dads

Fatherwork

I briefly browsed this website and it struck me as rather clinical and academic...but I can't argue with the content:

Fatherwork provides stories, ideas, and activities to encourage generative fathering. Harold B. Lee stated that "The most important...work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes."

I'm not sure if you'll find anything useful on the site, but being a "charts and diagrams" guy, I found one or two things of interest. One warning: I didn't find any overt references to LDS teaching, but the authors appear to be professors at BYU.

Fatherwork

It's Better to Build Boys than Mend Men

Throw another book on the "need to read" list:

Children have plenty of buddies. In an age when kids all around us are growing up without strong, positive guidance from their parents (who are busy, distracted, gone, or choose to be buddies instead of parents) children need someone they can look to with respect to help them build their lives.

When he was thirteen years old, Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, had such a man step into his life: a Sunday school teacher who modeled love, respect, hard work, and discipline. Cathy decided to follow that model, and today he has some 130 foster grandchildren, many of whom have broken their family’s generational cycle of neglect through the encouragement of Cathy and other adults who reached out to them.

In It’s Better to Build Boys Than Mend Men, Truett Cathy lays out a simple model for adults desiring to reach out to youth and challenges readers to allow God to work through them to change the life of a child. His book is filled with stories illustrating the principles of discipline, trust, reputation, generosity, common sense, peer pressure, and family stability.

Readers who follow their hearts into children’s lives will find that their own lives are enriched as well.

I'll post a review once I get a chance...

Things I've Learned From My Boys

It's Friday and I haven't posted in a long time, so I'm breaking a guidelines and making a totally frivolous post.

However it strikes me that if you haven't experienced one of these (or something fairly close) with your boys, perhaps you need to let loose a little and let them get wild. As long as there are no lives on the line, boyhood should be about taking some chances and making mistakes.

The following came from an anonymous Mother ... Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. House 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego pieces will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin,TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Joshua Expeditions

My oldest son is a junior in high school so we are starting to look into options for after he graduates. One serious consideration is taking the semester before college to go abroad. Here's a great ministry that provides Christian educational ministry opportunities for college-age kids:

Are you ready to experience student travel with purpose? Joshua Expeditions specializes in quality Christian travel designed to integrate Christ and ministry into student trips. We not only help your students see the world, we give them the opportunity to change it! Our educational student trips are designed with a service and ministry component in every program.

Joshua Expeditions

A Note to Fathers

Sometimes encouragement comes from unusual sources. Here's a re-post of an Elisabeth Elliot admonition via a homeschool mom's blog called Mommy Life.

I'm not going to be judgmental of the source, I'm only going to acknowledge it's good advice.

A Note to Fathers

Are you depriving your son of his sonship? "Hey! Hold it. What?..." Hebrews 12:7 says, "Can anyone be a son who is not disciplined by his father? If you escape the discipline in which all sons share, you must be bastards and no true sons" (NEB). Do you love your son or daughter enough to say no and hold to it? Would you, by cowardliness that fears to make a rule (perhaps because "nobody else" believes in it) treat your child as though you cared no more about him than you would care about a bastard?

But there are some words of caution. "Fathers, don't over-correct your children, or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment. Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline" (Ephesians 6:4, PHILLIPS).

This reminds me of the way in which the Lord teaches us. He is so patient with us who are so "slow-of-heart." The Shepherd does not make it hard for the sheep to walk in the right paths. He is always trying to make it easier for them, but they balk, they wander off, they don't listen. Children as well as adults are like sheep. They go astray. Fathers are meant to be shepherds. Don't overcorrect. "You fathers must not goad your children to resentment, but give them the instruction, and the correction, which belong to a Christian upbringing" (same verse, NEB). It's balance that is needed. Correct them, teach them. Don't go to extremes. Ask God for wisdom. It's too big a job for any ordinary human being. Look at God as a Father. How does He deal with us? Try to follow His pattern.

Planning for Manhood

I'm finally taking my youngest son away for his first manhood ceremony this weekend...one year late.

That's right, I'm a guy that eats and breaths this manhood stuff (teaching classes, running a blog, helping other guys with ceremony ideas, etc.) and still I let a whole year slip by on me!

I know from leading a Raising a Modern Day Knight class at my church that it can be hard for any man to stay on task with his plans in this area. We are generally good at coming up with the vision...but lacking in the execution.

Here's a Word doc I came up with last Fall to help you design a ceremony. Writing it out (with a date attached) helps the planning process start and provides a level of accountability. Give it a try.

ManhoodCeremonyPlan

Christian Manhood

There's something kind of refreshing about the austere quality of this workbook-style resource for training boys into men of Christian character from Plain Path Publishers.

If you and your son are used to slickly produced material with vibrant colors, "hip" graphics, and bite-sized information, you may well be underwhelmed by this meaty, no-frills presentation.

However, if you can get past the surface, you're in for some powerful Biblical principles.

Each of the chapters gives an overview of a principle, specific examples, Biblical underpinning, exercises & questions to discuss, and (my personal favorite) a personal evaluation section.

I don't agree with everything in every section, and much of it will seem a bit "old-fashioned" at first glance--but that has more to do with our cultural norms than with the material itself.

Overall a great resource to help you and your son set manhood goals.

Christian Manhood
Author:	Gary Maldaner
ASIN:	B0019M4A86
Genre:	Religion & Spirituality/Christianity
Recommended:	Yes
Score:	8 out of 10
Summary:	A Guide for Training Boys to be Spiritually Strong Men

Chess for Kids

I think I've been bitten by a bug I haven't had in years: playing chess!

I have distinct memories of my dad sitting in the living room for hours wrestling with a "computerized" chess board (personal computers were a new thing in those days). I never could beat the guy when we would play, but I always enjoyed the time together.

I've played with my kids at various times through the years, but I have never really been challenged to improve my game...until now. My 10 yr old has a natural knack for abstract strategy so he's making me work a little harder.

If you have never taken the time to sit down and "do the chess thing" with your kids, here's a web page with some substantive and anecdotal inspiration:

The New York City Schools Chess Program included more than 3,000 inner-city children in more than 100 public schools between 1986 and 1990. Based on academic and anecdotal records only, Christine Palm writes that the Program has proven that:

• Chess dramatically improves a child's ability to think rationally
• Chess increases cognitive skills
• Chess improves a child's communication skills and aptitude in recognizing patterns
• Chess results in higher grades, especially in English and Math studies
• Chess builds a sense of team spirit while emphasizing the ability of the individual
• Chess teaches the value of hard work, concentration and commitment
• Chess instills in young players a sense of self-confidence and self-worth
• Chess makes a child realize that he or she is responsible for his or her own actions and must accept their consequences
• Chess teaches children to try their best to win, while accepting defeat with grace
• Chess allows girls to compete with boys on a non-threatening, socially acceptable plane

Chess for Kids

Resolved

Recently a question came up about how much of my "early days" to share with my oldest son. I didn't become a Christian until I was 27, so there were plenty of years where I lived a worldly life.

As questions come up about girls, music, drinking, drugs, etc. I have to use discretion about what to share and what not to. In the past, I have been very open with him...in fact I started to feel that I was maybe being too open. I didn't have a principle on which to base my decision about what to share.

Thankfully, this short article from Fathers.com made me consider an excellent point:

don’t share your past unless you’ve resolved it

Through God's mercy I have resolved all much of my past, see it for what it is, and have come to terms with it. Now I can warn my children about my mistakes, give them a Biblical explanation/alternative, and help them avoid the same pitfalls.

Check out the entire (short) article here:

Raising Self-Controlled Sons

God's Family Values

The political season always brings about the bandying of the term "family values". Here's a little article on God's Family Values.

In view of the true condition [born twisted and practice sin moment by moment] of all people, including children, what should a Christian father do? He must read the Bible. Christian family values do not come from politicians, judges, or professors, but only from the one book which is in accordance with reality--the Bible, the very word of God. Therefore, a Christian father should study the Scriptures daily and diligently so God's family values will be coming from God the Father through the human father into a family. If a Christian father refuses to study the word of God daily and diligently, he will have nothing to offer his family in terms of family values. He will instead subscribe to and teach the secular orthodoxies prevalent in the world.

Integrity

The person you are in private should match the person you are in public. That’s integrity. There are many things we as dads can do to pass this on to our kids.

How do we raise kids who possess integrity in a culture that seems to value image more than character? Like many things, integrity is more often caught than taught.

Here's a good little article on integrity and how it is passed on to our kids. I especially like the "You Might Be an Integrity Infector If" list:

You Might Be An Integrity Infector If:

• Your kids talk to you so much that you get worn out at times.
• Your kids like being with you.
• You like being with your kids.
• You and your kids joke around and laugh together a lot.
• You and your kids handle your mistakes humorously. Your kids kid you about them.
• You can talk somewhat intelligently about what’s going on in their world.
• You ask questions about what’s going on in their world.
• They ask you “why” questions. You welcome and applaud questions of any sort.
• You can handle their “why” questions without being overly threatened by them.
• They display remorse when caught in misbehavior.
• On occasion, they admit to misbehaviors even before you discover them.
• You use incidences of misbehavior to explain why correct behavior is important.
• Your kids don’t lie well. You’re able to tell when they are being dishonest.
• They’ve seen you be honest on occasions when you could have gotten away with dishonesty.
• Your kids seem to understand why you have the rules you do. They ask questions about them more than they complain about them.

Infecting Your Kids with Integrity