If you're not already covering it in scouting or some other group, you may want to make sure your boys know how to tie a knot...as it's the kind of thing that a man finds useful from time to time.
No doubt about it, parenting teens is a whole different ballgame than parenting younger kids...and it can get ugly sometimes.
Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, national radio host, and the founder of the Heartlight Residential Counseling Center for Struggling Teens, which is a Christian based resource for parents dealing with the many new challenges that this time of life brings.
I love this quote from one of his posts:
If you believe God is in control of all things, then your situation is not hopeless. And, we can help you get through it. But a first step is to look to see if God may be calling you to do something different in your own life. This isn’t to say that you’ve caused the current problem, but what you do and don’t do now can be a catalyst for it continuing, or getting to the other side of it.
I think I've been bitten by a bug I haven't had in years: playing chess!
I have distinct memories of my dad sitting in the living room for hours wrestling with a "computerized" chess board (personal computers were a new thing in those days). I never could beat the guy when we would play, but I always enjoyed the time together.
I've played with my kids at various times through the years, but I have never really been challenged to improve my game...until now. My 10 yr old has a natural knack for abstract strategy so he's making me work a little harder.
If you have never taken the time to sit down and "do the chess thing" with your kids, here's a web page with some substantive and anecdotal inspiration:
The New York City Schools Chess Program included more than 3,000 inner-city children in more than 100 public schools between 1986 and 1990. Based on academic and anecdotal records only, Christine Palm writes that the Program has proven that:
I've been searching for a book to read with my 16 year-old...this looks promising:
Written when they were 18 years old, Do Hard Things is the Harris twins' revolutionary message in its purest and most compelling form, giving readers a tangible glimpse of what is possible for teens who actively resist cultural lies that limit their potential.
Combating the idea of adolescence as a vacation from responsibility, the authors weave together biblical insights, history, and modern examples to redefine the teen years as the launching pad of life and map a clear trajectory for long-term fulfillment and eternal impact.
Written by teens for teens, Do Hard Things is packed with humorous personal anecdotes, practical examples, and stories of real-life rebelutionaries in action. This rallying cry from the heart of revolution already in progress challenges the next generation to lay claim to a brighter future, starting today.
Leadership is the activity of influencing people to cooperate toward some goal which they come to find desirable. -- Ordway Teal
Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. It your are in control, they are in control. - Tom Landry
A leader has been defined as one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way. -- Franklin P. Jones
Skill in the art of communication is crucial to a leader's success. He can accomplish nothing unless he can communicate effectively. -- Norman Allen
The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on.
-- Walter Lippman, in Roosevelt Has Gone (April 14, 1945)
No man ruleth safely but he that is willingly ruled. -- Thomas A. Kempis
Quick but insightful article by Tim Kimmel about leaving our kids a legacy by teaching them real life lessons:
I call this a "designed dilemma." It's creating a situation or an environment in which children are forced to focus on their needs as well as draw conclusions about their lives.A loving legacy must be transferred, not just given. It must be embraced and appropriated into the core of our children's hearts. We can't be satisfied with modeling (as important as that is). We must develop lessons for our children that compel them to wrestle with (and therefore remember) critical truths.
Designed dilemmas lend strong support to one of the most worthy of all ambitions: Raising kids who turn out right.
Good post over on Lifehacker about priorities, etc. This excerpt stood out to me, especially considering the crazy pace of our summer...
One effect of having priorities is how often you have to say no. It's one of the smallest words in the English language, yet many people have trouble saying it. The problem is that if you can't say no, you can't have priorities. The universe is a large place, but your "priority one" list should be very small. That small list means there are thousands of good ideas that must be denied to focus your energy on the ones you've chosen to pursue. If you continually say yes to ideas that do not match your priorities, you are saying yes to failure. If you want to change your priorities, that's one thing, but if you are constantly changing them then they were never priorities at all. You did not think deeply enough about them if, emotionally, they are easy to change every few hours. So a fundamental law is this: if you can't say no, if you can't protect your priorities, you can't make things happen.
Part of our job as dad is to help our kids find a "career direction" in life. In the early years this can be as simple as occasionally asking "what do you want to be when you grow up?" followed by a "I think you would be great at _____."
But as they get older, except for the rare self-directed kid, you'll have to take a more active role.
One possibility I'm personally considering is to have my child take a "test". There are quite a few career/strength assessment programs out there, but here are two that are distinctively Christian in nature and approach the question from a spiritual gifts perspective. I am not sure to what degree they leverage secular personality systems like Myers-Briggs, but they definitely look interesting.
Is your family anything like ours this time of year?
The good news: all the extra-circular activities, special events, and homeschool co-op groups are finally winding down for the year.
The bad news: it's time to start planning out all the logistics for camps, vacations, and mission trips for the summer.
But seriously, all these things are good things ...it's just that if we are not careful we can commit to too many good things, which can be a bad thing. I have to confess we sometimes slip into a mentality summed up as:
giving [your] child necessary “opportunities” by having them participate in as many activities as possible.... keeping kids extremely active in these activities, is necessary for future success.
Make family time a priority. Spending time together should take precedence over each family member pursuing their individual activities. Healthy activities like walking, biking, or gardening together can also help keep stress levels at bay.
Mother's day came this year in the midst of a lot of other activities going on in our lives so my wife didn't get the usual royal treatment.
But, it strikes me that I don't need to have a special day to demonstrate appreciation for her. Here's a quick little article to remind us that our wives deserve special treatment from us every day of the year.
Of particular interest for this blog is the "Model for Chivalry" item.
FATHERS.COM - What Children Gain When You Love Their Mother
In a recent post, I mentioned that serving on a jury opened my eyes to the problem of violence against women and reminded me how important it is to mentor our sons (and other men for that matter) on how a man properly treats a woman.
As promised, here's another quick-read article from Family Violence Prevention Fund that emphasizes the importance of coaching boys in this area. From the article:
Boys are swamped with influences outside of the home – from friends, the neighborhood, television, the internet, music, the movies… everything they see around them. They hear all kinds of messages about what it means to “be a man” – that they have to be tough and in control. There are numerous conflicting and some harmful messages being given to boys about what constitutes “being a man” in a relationship.
Who would have thought this would be a problem?
I'm not sure how it is in your circles, but from what I can tell teen and pre-teen girls are very aggressive these days. I've seen some very tasteless and desperate behavior on the part of girls who throw themselves at guys for attention/affirmation.
There are two sides to this to be sure... and I'm becoming acquainted with both. My oldest son is on the receiving end of some of this attention. And my daughter is at an age where her peers are starting to demonstrate it. In a bizarre twist, her friends sometimes demonstrate this aggressiveness towards her brother (hopefully this is helping her see the foolishness of it!)
Here's an article from well-known Christian author/speaker Dennis Rainey with his impressions of this "new" problem:
Back when I was growing up, there were some girls who were called “boy crazy,” but very few were as forward and aggressive as what we’re seeing today. Based on my conversation with parents, and what I’ve seen through research on the Internet, I think parents are facing some serious challenges. We’re seeing more girls taking the initiative with guys at younger and younger ages, and aggressively attempting to lure them into sexual activity....
the situation has changed enough in recent years that we need to ask, “How can we prepare our teenage sons for dealing with the attention and temptation being thrown at them by some sexually aggressive girls?”
I recently had the opportunity to serve on a jury in our county's Superior Criminal Court. I had never served on a jury, and I have to say it was eye-opening in many ways.
The case I was seated for was a domestic abuse case with a husband accused of assault and second degree kidnapping on his wife. Unfortunately, the case ended in a mistrial because one juror refused to believe the woman's testimony.
Regardless, the experience sent me on a web search for resources on teaching boys how to properly respect women. Needless to say, this a big problem in our society. I'll post several more links in the future, but for now, here's a great organization I found that gives visibility to this issue:
As a Founding Father, you are setting the example for generations of young men who will follow you. Your son, grandson, nephew, younger brother - all the boys in your life need your time, energy, and advice to help them grow into healthy young men. Through your guidance, they'll learn that real men respect women, that violence never equals strength, and that there is honor in taking a stand against violence.
Eye contact is one of the most powerful means we have to express our feelings to our children. But men aren't always very good at it with their kids. Dads need to make a conscious effort to look at their children in a loving, positive way. Fathers can tend to sort of gaze at nothing, almost looking through things during a deep soul-to-soul conversation...
Even if the child is in the midst of misbehavior, we can still make pleasant eye contact with that child. It's something we can do continuously. Eye contact is a way to keep your child's emotional tank full of unconditional love. The parent looks into the eyes of the child while the child is looking back. It's very simple, but boy is it complex in the child's brain.
If your home is anything like mine, there is a constant battle waged over media entertainment. The kids want to watch the latest cool/hyped movie or DVD oblivious to the negative elements that it may contain. As fathers, it is our responsibility to judge whether or not it is appropriate for them to watch.
Here are some resources that we can use to get detailed reviews of movies and other media, including specifics of what kind of objectionable material is present. These are invaluable for making informed decisions.
The only advice I would give is to talk over the reasons (especially with teenagers) why you have decided that a particular movie is unacceptable, rather than just saying "because I said so". This will help them to understand your reasoning and develop their own sense of media choice.
www.familystyle.com
www.pluggedinonline.com
www.screenit.com (subscription based)
Saw this in the store the other day...don't know much about it but a quick thumb through made it look very interesting.
Has that old "boy scout how-to" look. My fear with these books is that I buy them with best of intentions and then they wind up sitting on the shelf mocking me.
Maybe I'll check this out at the library and give a short review in the future.
The Dangerous Book for Boys
Around our house the new year brings a renewed resolve to "track" things.
A new master calendar adorns the fridge with transcribed birthdays and two months worth of social engagements; fresh monthly budget sheets are neatly placed in a stack; a year's worth of unfiled paper work is filed away...
I was just thinking the same necessity to "track" exists for our kids. As a reminder/encouragement, here's some words from Ken Canfield:
Remember the first manned American space flight? NASA didn't simply give Alan Sheppard, Jr. the keys to the Mercury Atlas rocket, wish him luck, and hope he'd send back some good pictures of the earth. Instead, they pro-actively launched him into space, tracked him carefully throughout his flight, and welcomed him after splash down. It was a team effort.
Like Mission Control, a father tracks his children's development and knows about their world. You need to know when to step in and help, how not to cause embarrassment, what dangers they are susceptible to, and how to help them reach their goals and dreams. In particular, you track your child's development. Is he moving successfully into adulthood? Does she have a healthy self-image? Is he adopting a sensible, moral lifestyle?
Here is a good article from the Home School Court Report on the HSLDA website. It touches on an issue I have been thinking about a lot with my oldest son being a high school sophomore: apprenticeship. Even though I have a "high tech" job and hope that they will attend college, I think it would be beneficial for my boys to be exposed to labor trades and gain some practical vocational experience as well.
This article gives some history about apprenticeships in our country, explains what a modern apprenticeship looks like, and gives some practical tips on how to assess if it is the right thing for your child and how to find one if so. It has a homeschool slant, but really could apply to any high schooler.
TrueU.org is a community for college students who want to know and confidently discuss the Christian worldview. I found a good article there about "modern day Chivalry" which includes a list of common courtesies you can begin to put into practice at all times, toward all people. Our sons need to know these things!
To be a gentleman these days doesn't necessarily mean ruining your coat so your date doesn't have to walk across a puddle. It doesn't mean knowing which fork is the dessert fork, or whether or not you should put your elbows on the table. What it means is viewing people — all people — as the valuable human beings they are. It means treating people with respect out of reverence for Christ. In any situation, ask yourself: How would I want my grandfather to be treated? How would I want my future daughter to be treated? Then live out your answer.
Found this awhile back, not sure where. Thought provoking:
1. To climb a mountain and look down from the peak.
2. To sit around a campfire with team mates and good friends.
3. To test his strength and his skills on his very own.
4. To be alone with his own thoughts and with his God.
5. To reach out and find the hand of an adult willing to help.
6. To have a code to live by...easily understood and fair.
7. Play hard for the fun of it...and work hard for the thrill of it.
8. To have a chance to fail...and know why.
9. To have good friends and to be a good friend.
10. To have a hero...and a vision to measure him by.
