There are several things I don't like about the website I'm about to share:
Contrary to appearances, this blog is still alive....
Just lots of things going on in my personal life.
I hope to make some more posts soon.
Throw another book on the "need to read" list:
Children have plenty of buddies. In an age when kids all around us are growing up without strong, positive guidance from their parents (who are busy, distracted, gone, or choose to be buddies instead of parents) children need someone they can look to with respect to help them build their lives.When he was thirteen years old, Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, had such a man step into his life: a Sunday school teacher who modeled love, respect, hard work, and discipline. Cathy decided to follow that model, and today he has some 130 foster grandchildren, many of whom have broken their family’s generational cycle of neglect through the encouragement of Cathy and other adults who reached out to them.
In It’s Better to Build Boys Than Mend Men, Truett Cathy lays out a simple model for adults desiring to reach out to youth and challenges readers to allow God to work through them to change the life of a child. His book is filled with stories illustrating the principles of discipline, trust, reputation, generosity, common sense, peer pressure, and family stability.
Readers who follow their hearts into children’s lives will find that their own lives are enriched as well.
Christian men don't have the exclusive desire to be better husbands & fathers. There are quite a few non-Christian organizations devoted to mentoring and helping men to be "better men".
While I believe that apart from a relationship with Jesus Christ it is impossible to become the men we were designed to be, I can't just sweep these secular organizations under the rug...they truly have some good insight and have many of the same goals.
Ultimately while their mission might be the same (initiating men into manhood, mentoring, building community, etc), the primary belief they base their programs on is that men are fundamentally "good" and just need the support of other men to become "better".
Christians on the other hand believe we are fundamentally "bad" (ie, sinners) and that only by the saving grace of God can we become "new", and through a relationship with Him, he helps us to operate as men in this "newness".
Check out this website to see this topic from a non-Christian perspective:
It's Friday and I haven't posted in a long time, so I'm breaking a guidelines and making a totally frivolous post.
However it strikes me that if you haven't experienced one of these (or something fairly close) with your boys, perhaps you need to let loose a little and let them get wild. As long as there are no lives on the line, boyhood should be about taking some chances and making mistakes.
The following came from an anonymous Mother ... Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. House 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego pieces will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin,TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Here's a cool ministry that is attempting to minister to both boys & girls, men & women. It looks like they offer both training and retreat-style camps.
I really like the "axioms" from their mission statement:
The Men Of Honor AxiomsI am a winner... I am a man of honor;
I do the right thing... because it's the right thing to do; My word is my bond.
C.H.I.P.
Character, Honesty, Integrity, Perseverance.
If there is no man... I will be the man;
Manhood and Christ-likeness are synonymous;
Being a male is a matter of birth;
Being a man is a matter of choice;
There is no greatness outside of God;
1, 2, 3... YES!The Ladies Of Honor AxiomsI am a leader... I am a Lady of Honor
My attitude... Is my choice
I do the right thing... Because it is the right thing to do
I learn to listen... Because I listen to learn
A good leader... Is a good follower
To be a Godly leader... I must follow Christ
L.I.G.H.T.
Loyalty, Integrity, Generosity, Honesty, Trustworthiness
I am not ordinary... I am extraordinary
My inner beauty... Is the jewel that shines within me
Ladies of Honor... Shine
1,2,3... YES!
A child whose faith consists solely of a learned doctrine may have that faith badly shaken when it collides with rival doctrines. But a child who carries about within him the memory of countless encounters with the reality of God will not have to worry about holding his faith. His faith will hold him.
Here's another aptly named Colorado-based company offering father/son adventures based around the theme of discovering Biblical manhood:
In summary, our passion is to fuel the heart-to-heart relationship between a young man and a guide, preferably his father, in order to help him successfully traverse the formative adolescent years and follow Jesus into the later stages of life.I really like the compass metaphor they use:
Our conferences and resources are designed to be a catalyst to serve the churches with the necessary ‘scaffolding’ to have their own ongoing, biblically based rite of passage initiative. Consequently, we foresee a day when a church can confidently send a young man to college or into the marketplace knowing his unique design as a man, what it takes to follow Christ, and have within him the beginning skills to navigate his faith within the culture.
My oldest son is a junior in high school so we are starting to look into options for after he graduates. One serious consideration is taking the semester before college to go abroad. Here's a great ministry that provides Christian educational ministry opportunities for college-age kids:
Are you ready to experience student travel with purpose? Joshua Expeditions specializes in quality Christian travel designed to integrate Christ and ministry into student trips. We not only help your students see the world, we give them the opportunity to change it! Our educational student trips are designed with a service and ministry component in every program.
This looks to be a great site for Christian guys to get authentic:
BattleZONE combines basic Christian spiritual training with a cyclical discipleship strategy designed to build and reproduce strong, effective disciples of Jesus Christ. BattleZONE Ministries helps churches develop male leadership.
Most men learn best by seeing and doing, by being mentored and coached. BattleZONE is designed to create a culture of open learning where men like you can bring real-life temptations and struggles into the open where they can be taught, shown and coached.
I'm personally not a golfer, but I understand that many men enjoy it. Here's a website that takes the love of golf and father/son bonding and puts the two together in a great way:
Father and Son Golf Adventures (FSGA) provides an awesome venue for Fathers to spend quality time with their sons doing things that they both enjoy and can contribute too. The events that FSGA organize and run are specifically designed to engage Fathers and Sons in fun and interactive activities. They are structured to allow both the Fathers and Sons to fully enjoy themselves (they are adventures) and encourages Fathers and Sons to work together and play together.
While shopping for a medieval sword for my son, I came across this great source for swords, armor, period gifts, etc from the Roman, Medieval, and the Renaissance periods.
Not only do they have a ton of great stuff for the collector, reenactor, and gift giver...but they are also Christians committed to using their business as a platform to share the gospel:
Real Armor of God.com is a Christian based business promoting the gospel message of "forgiveness of our sins against the one and only true God, through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ."
Here's another voice in the strategic-father-blog-o-sphere. Some really interesting posts already in the three months since it started.
I've posted a bit about creating family crests in the past, so I'm especially interested in his take on a "modernized" family crest.
Check it out:
Way back in February of 2007, the third post on this blog was a review of Brian Molitor's book Boy's Passage, Man's Journey.
From the looks of his website, it seems his ministry is still going strong!
I hope to soon read his book for daughters: Girl's Passage - Father's Duty.
Check him out here:
Malachi Global Foundation
I've always tenuously recommended John Eldredge's stuff. I have heard and read the many arguments that his ideas are "radical" and that he tends toward "open theism".
If I take his books as just another Christian guy sharing his story and not as a theological treatise, I find that his works are inspiring and encouraging.
His latest book is no different. Here he explores an idea that popped up a lot in his previous books: that we are living our lives as part of a grand story along the lines of the "epic" movies he so often references (The Matirx, Gladiator, Braveheart, etc).
He suggests that our lives have purpose and meaning and that we realize that meaning as we participate in the story God is telling...none other than the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
This is a easy yet inspiring read, and I can't help but feel it might be a good way to share the gospel with certain people in my life. I recommend this book.
Here is a cool website that goes along with the book:
I finally "went commercial" and set up an Amazon store.
Really, I'm setting it up not because I want/expect revenue from it, but because I thought it would be a nice place to have an easy-to-navigate list of books & movies that have been meaningful to me in my journey through manhood and fatherhood.
If I make $1 off of it I will be surprised! If it helps one person find the right resource, I will be satisfied!
Good to see other fellowships running the same 6-week RMDK series we are running at Colonial:
New Life Band of Brothers
This website looks to be a Texas-based ministry formed by men looking to create a sense of Fraternity focused on the Word of God:
FELLOWSHIP OF THE SWORD is a fellowship formed around the Word of God that is a God-centered ministry to men and women and ultimately their families. When and only when we focus our gaze on Father and seek His heart and His desire will we see Him work in earth-changing ways.
FELLOWSHIP OF THE SWORD is committed to being a world-impacting force in the lives of men and women. Our vision – our very destiny – is found in unlocking the passionate heart placed in everyone from the beginning of time.
While most of the resources I share on this blog are oriented towards fathers becoming strategic in raising their own children, my heart is also burdened for the fatherless.
For a few years I participated in sharing a weekly Bible study at a Wake County Juvenile Detention Center which really made me appreciate what a struggle life is for young boys without a strong male role model.
Here's a ministry that is doing something about it. From the website:
Every Sunday morning, our churches are full of moms who are praying for a godly man to take an interest in their sons, to mentor them; they need help. Even more importantly, those boys need help. In the absence of a father, they need Christian men in their lives to guide them on their journey to manhood
Men lay the foundation for boys in their journey to manhood, helping them discover who they are. More importantly, as Christian men, they show them that God has a plan for their lives. EVERY MAN IS A MENTOR!
The heart of this ministry is to SAVE THE BOYS by encouraging, challenging, and equipping men to make a difference, to be a godly influence in the lives of their sons and the many fatherless boys in their churches and neighborhoods. Absentee fathers have created a huge new mission field -- Fatherless Boys -- and we need men to help those boys become men of character and integrity, men of faith.
It is really exciting to see the "next generation" of authors beginning to write about being strategic in raising sons & daughters with a core of moral substance.
While I will always go back to the founding fathers of this genre (Robert Lewis, Steve Farrar, Stu Weber), it is nice to hear new voices too.
While I haven't yet read his books, Rick Johnson looks very promising as one of those new voices. From his website:
I believe families, communities, and our society can grow stronger when parents begin to realize the unique power and influence we have in the lives of our sons and daughters. This goal is reflected both in the books I've written and through Better Dads, a fathering skills ministry that now equips both men and women to become better parents, spouses, and leaders.
I'm finally getting around to journaling my youngest son's first ceremony.
The weakest link in the chain of these "rights of passage" I've been doing with my boys is the capturing on paper(or computer) of what we did, how it went, and most importantly the feelings
and impact it made on us.
My hope is that writing it up will encourage and inspire other dads as well as be a lasting keepsake for my boys...something that will be a legacy they can share with their kids someday.
Robert Lewis makes this point by using the Legacy Album. Another approach I've seen is Letters from Dad.
If/when I finish journalling, I'll post it here.
In the meantime, here is a picture of my youngest son after the ceremony holding the rock he received as an object lesson as well as a filled in Manhood Ceremony Plan that reflects what we actually did:
Focus on the Family recently had Robert Lewis (author of Raising a Modern Day Knight) on the program.
Check it out:
As I've mentioned, my oldest son has a ceremony coming up. It is scheduled for this weekend. Using the sword as the metaphor, here are the principles I'll be imparting for this "stage":
A True Man has a Purpose. He has:
I've heard of Gordon Dalbey but have never read any of his books.
From the looks of his website, he is yet another voice in the modern men's movement: stressing the importance of healing our "father wound", pointing us to Jesus as the definition of manhood, and providing resources to teach and encourage as we become the men God wants us to be.
I definitely like the tagline for his ministry: "a real man is a man who's real".
I'll try to squeeze in some time to read one of his books. In the meantime check out the website:
No doubt about it, parenting teens is a whole different ballgame than parenting younger kids...and it can get ugly sometimes.
Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, national radio host, and the founder of the Heartlight Residential Counseling Center for Struggling Teens, which is a Christian based resource for parents dealing with the many new challenges that this time of life brings.
I love this quote from one of his posts:
If you believe God is in control of all things, then your situation is not hopeless. And, we can help you get through it. But a first step is to look to see if God may be calling you to do something different in your own life. This isn’t to say that you’ve caused the current problem, but what you do and don’t do now can be a catalyst for it continuing, or getting to the other side of it.
If you've decided somewhere along the line that you would like to put together a coat of arms for your family, but you just don't have the time to devote to learning about heraldry and putting it together, there are a few services on the web you can use.
Even though I've put together my own Coat of Arms, I'm thinking of using a service to produce a "grant" that I can hand down to my kids.
Check out one resource here:
I've mentioned before that I decided to present my oldest son a sword for one of the stages of his progression towards manhood.
Well, he was supposed to receive it a year ago (I'm starting to detect a trend here) but I am just now to the point where I am ready to purchase his sword and arrange a ceremony.
As far as sword buying goes, it is not for the uninitiated. There are lots of nuances and pitfalls to choosing the right weapon. The best place to start researching is definitely:
The Cardinals were not expected to be in the SuperBowl. But former SuperBowl MVP Kurt Warner had different ideas.
He's a great player who is also humble and has a real relationship with Jesus Christ which he is not afraid to tell others about.
Here's a few links to "all things Kurt":
Kurt Warner on Wikipedia
An Incredible Football Journey from Focus on the Family
KurtWarner.org
Sometimes encouragement comes from unusual sources. Here's a re-post of an Elisabeth Elliot admonition via a homeschool mom's blog called Mommy Life.
I'm not going to be judgmental of the source, I'm only going to acknowledge it's good advice.
A Note to Fathers
Are you depriving your son of his sonship? "Hey! Hold it. What?..." Hebrews 12:7 says, "Can anyone be a son who is not disciplined by his father? If you escape the discipline in which all sons share, you must be bastards and no true sons" (NEB). Do you love your son or daughter enough to say no and hold to it? Would you, by cowardliness that fears to make a rule (perhaps because "nobody else" believes in it) treat your child as though you cared no more about him than you would care about a bastard?
But there are some words of caution. "Fathers, don't over-correct your children, or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment. Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline" (Ephesians 6:4, PHILLIPS).
This reminds me of the way in which the Lord teaches us. He is so patient with us who are so "slow-of-heart." The Shepherd does not make it hard for the sheep to walk in the right paths. He is always trying to make it easier for them, but they balk, they wander off, they don't listen. Children as well as adults are like sheep. They go astray. Fathers are meant to be shepherds. Don't overcorrect. "You fathers must not goad your children to resentment, but give them the instruction, and the correction, which belong to a Christian upbringing" (same verse, NEB). It's balance that is needed. Correct them, teach them. Don't go to extremes. Ask God for wisdom. It's too big a job for any ordinary human being. Look at God as a Father. How does He deal with us? Try to follow His pattern.
When we had my middle son's first ceremony I used an online service to laser engrave a marble block for me.
For my youngest son, I went a different route and had a river stone engraved (I'm a firm believer that each child's ceremony should be tailored for their personality).
Here's the company I went with. They did a very good job and were easy to work with. The final product came out a little bigger (ie, heavier) than I intended, but I think the Lord worked it out so that I could really drive home the weight of the principles I'm imparting.
I'll try to post pictures of the finished product in the near future.
I'm finally taking my youngest son away for his first manhood ceremony this weekend...one year late.
That's right, I'm a guy that eats and breaths this manhood stuff (teaching classes, running a blog, helping other guys with ceremony ideas, etc.) and still I let a whole year slip by on me!
I know from leading a Raising a Modern Day Knight class at my church that it can be hard for any man to stay on task with his plans in this area. We are generally good at coming up with the vision...but lacking in the execution.
Here's a Word doc I came up with last Fall to help you design a ceremony. Writing it out (with a date attached) helps the planning process start and provides a level of accountability. Give it a try.
Tony Dungy announced he was retiring yesterday. While his achievements on the field have been substantial, in my opinion it is his achievements off the field that have had the greatest impact:Dungy has been involved in a wide variety of charitable organizations, including the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Athletes in Action, Mentors for Life, Big Brothers Big Sisters, Boys & Girls Clubs, the Prison Crusade Ministry, and All Pro Dad. He also works with Basket of Hope, the Black Coaches Association National Convention, Indiana Black Expo, the United Way of Central Indiana, and the American Diabetes Association.
I've read his first book "Quiet Strength" and would definitely recommend it. Apparently he has a new book out as well I hope to review sometime in the future.
My wife and I have managed to get out for coffee and planning a couple of times over the last week, planning for the year. There is so much to do, and so little time to do it!
Here's a quick reminder from the latest All Pro Dad Play of the Day that really hit home. As leaders of our homes, we are the ones that have to be willing to set the tone for our families and have the courage to say "no" when there are too many things going on. And it may take courage...especially if your wife our kids don't agree with the assessment.
Read it, think about it, then make the change you need to make!
The two biggest issues modern families face are over-commitment and under-connection. Parents over-commit at work, at hobbies and even at church. Kids over-commit at school or piano lessons or athletics. What that means is less time as a family together and less relational connectedness.
To get better connected as a family, you have to spend more time together, which may mean reprioritizing current commitments. Strong families make their family time a top priority.
If you're not a Gator fan, you may not know the full scoop on quarterback Tim Tebow. He's definitely a great example of an athlete using his position to glorify God. Here's an overview:
Let's start the year out with some great Fathering quotes:
"Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength. Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, ‘I have not lived in vain.’"
— General Douglas MacArthur
"It is a wise father that knows his own child."
— William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), “The Merchant of Venice”, Act 2 scene 2
“Becoming Father the Nurturer rather than just Father the Provider enables a man to fully feel and express his humanity and his masculinity. Fathering is the most masculine thing a man can do.”
— Frank Pittman, U.S. psychiatrist and family therapist. Man Enough, ch. 12 (1993).
So often, as the septuagenarian reflects on life’s rewards, we hear that, “in the final analysis” of money, power, prestige, and marriage, fathering alone was what “mattered.”
— Kyle D. Pruett (20th century), professor, child psychiatrist.
The Nurturing Father, ch. 15 (1987).
“A father is a banker provided by nature.” — French Proverb
“A famous man is one whose children love him.” — Chinese Proverb
“Fathering is not a sprint. It’s a marathon.” — Paul Lewis, Founder, Family University
Q: When does a boy become a man? A: “When his father says he is!” —Burt Reynolds
