Authoritative vs. Authoritarian

Do you know how to be authoritative without becoming authoritarian?
An AUTHORITATIVE Parent or Teacher. . .

• Respects and is accountable to higher authorities; is secure and confident in his relationships with higher authorities
  
• Communicates warmth and love for those under his authority
  
• Talks to the children, not at them, and also takes time to listen to them.
• Makes clear rules with clear consequences, and follows them consistently
  
• Sets a good example for children, both in and out of their presence
  
• Keeps informed on the interests and activities of the children; monitors their lives, communicates concerns and stays with their problems long enough to resolve them
  
• Is imaginative, with a vision for what the children can become; finds creative ways of helping them reach these goals
  
• Produces children who are socially responsible, competent and capable of social initiative, and who have positive feelings about authority that make them willing to trust the ultimate authority of God.
  

An AUTHORITARIAN Parent or Teacher. . .

• Avoids accountability to higher authorities and is often critical of them; OR uncritically accepts and supports higher authoritarian structures
  
• Scores low in both warmth and communication;
  
• Sets high demands with high controls for children, but is either abusive or inconsistent in enforcing them; instills fear in children
  
• Has a private life that violates what he professes publicly; OR is rigid or excessively disciplined and demands the same from others
  
• Distances himself emotionally and physically from children by escaping into his job or other pursuits; may compensate for this by indulging children with material gifts
  
• Produces children who are hostile, negative and defiant; OR children who feel inadequate and pressured and believe no one will love them unless they do something good for them.

Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

Here's a re-post of a blog entry from 2008 from Ron Edmondson's blog.

Everyone's aware of the fairly recent phenomenon of the Bucket List, "the things I want to do before I die"...and I have to admit I have spent some time thinking about what mine would be.

But the simple (and arguably more practical) premise of his post is "the things I want my boys to know, but I don’t think I ever taught them". Man, does that hit me between the eyes!

With my oldest now out of the house and on his own, I'm finding there are quite a few of these in my own life...even though I started consciously enacting the principles of my blog with him from the age of 10. It is all the more practical for me to make this list since I still have two younger boys in the home.

Take the time and come up with your own list...I know I will.

7 Things I Should Have Taught My Sons

At The Cross

I know a place, a wonderful place
Where accused and condemned,
Find mercy and grace
Where the wrongs we have done,
And the wrongs done to us
Were nailed there with Him,
There on the cross

At the cross
He died for our sin
At the cross
He gave us life again

Noble Warriors

Here's a men's group in Richmond, VA with lots of info and resources:

Through a variety of ministry and service experiences men will be challenged to measure their manhood against a biblical model rather than contemporary culture. Consequently, these men will become spiritually alive in Christ, investing significantly in their personal spiritual growth as well as the spiritual growth of their wives and children.

Noble Warriors

Quest for Christlike Manhood

Always great to find another blog with the same heart to encourage men in their Christian walk.

Here's a great blog I just found out about that does just that. Check it out:

Quest for Christlike Manhood

Lead Me

Ok, I'm a little behind the curve on this one, but I just heard Sanctus Real's song "Lead Me" for the first time a few days ago...and man did it blow me out of the water!

Funny because recently we did our traditional family New Year's "areas I want to grow in" chart. It is basically 4 circles labeled: Spirtual, Emotional, Mental, and Physical.

In each circle we write the things we want to improve in or change about ourselves for each category. In the center of the entire diagram is a small space for us to write one central, over-arching thing that we want to work on for the year that impacts everything else.

Mine just happened to be: "Be a better leader".

Imagine the impact of hearing the song after that!

Here are some of the lyrics and links to find out more if you haven't yet heard the song...

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

LEAD ME LYRICS - SANCTUS REAL

Listen on Playlist.com

The Story Behind the Song

All Parents Homeschool

Here's a re-post of the "Play of the Day" from All Pro Dad.

The title grabbed my attention since we homeschool our kids (and we are quite proud of that fact), but I realize that is not a option or doesn't fit for every family.

Regardless, we parents must remember that we are daily teaching our kids; attitudes, habits, world views, etc. This happens in our home. If you want to talk about your kids being successful in life, realize that having involved parents is the single biggest indicator of a child's success:

...even if parents send their children off to school to learn, they are almost singlehandedly the only factor that matters in their kids' educational success.

Important to remember!

All Parents Homeschool

Christian Bushido

I had a chance to watch The Last Samurai again last night. Still a great movie (even with Tom Cruise!) and definitely in my top 5 "warrior movies".

The movie develops a thread concerning Bushido, the Samurai code of honor. Here's a site that takes those concepts, ostensibly derived from Shinto and Buddhism, and puts them in a Biblical light.

This could be very useful in developing a Christian code of conduct for a a child who is interested in Asian martial arts.

Code of Bushido

Iron Sharpens Iron

I'm getting ready for the new year by checking out events that I may want to go to during the course of the year...and attending a men's conference is definitely on the list.

It's been awhile since I've been to a Christian men's "stadium event" (I attended a Promise Keeper conference back in 1998), but I have great memories of doing so.

I have a neighbor who recently became a Christian and I would love to help him jump start his growth in the area of leading his family. Nothing else can do that quite like being in a large venue with hundreds of other guys who are all trying to be better men!

It looks like this organization has a great line up and plenty of dates in 2011:

Iron Sharpens Iron | National Men's Conferences

Awakening Heroic Manhood

Good post on Covenant Eyes blog describing some practical ways women can help inspire their men to live a noble manhood:

Men need someone to believe in them. They need someone to tell them that they can rise above this horrendous mediocrity. They desperately need someone to tell them that they can have a lot more than “one thing” on their minds. And they need someone to raise the expectations of their manhood. Believe it or not, we as men need you, as young women, to help us find our way out of this spiritual gutter of cultural “normalcy.”

Awakening Heroic Manhood | Covenant Eyes